“Sure, she cheated. But you need to focus on your stuff.”
-Cheater Apologist
What never ceases to amaze me is how obtuse some people are as it comes to marital infidelity situations.
They could be convinced about the facts; yet, some still choose to apply the pressure on the adultery victim, not the perpetrator. Either they do not know–or they do not care–how traumatic it truly is to discover your spouse cheated on you.
These people do not put two and two together.
They refuse to accept or see their line of questioning is like asking a battered and hemorrhaging woman what she did to “deserve” her husband’s brutal beating.
I am all for taking personal responsibility for our actions. And I am all for learning from our mistakes, shortcomings, and sins. But there is a proper time and setting for that.
It is neither the time or place to do those things when someone is fresh from the trauma of discovering their partner’s adulterous betrayal.
Besides, changing the subject from the cheater’s responsibility to the faithful spouse’s “issues” is a subtle blame-shifting ploy. It is like the questioner going after the wife for her “issues” while she sits there bleeding.
The questioner may even acknowledge the husband was wrong to beat the wife. Can you then imagine the questioner dismissing that admission by telling the beat up wife that she needs to focus on her own “stuff?!”
It is not compassionate.
It is cruel.
People who do this, faithful spouses, are NOT your friends. They are NOT safe people with which to share your tender heart.
Is is simply the truth. Logical, sensible, biblical.