I know that after I leave, savage wolves will come in among you and will not spare the flock. -Acts 20:29, NIV
What amazes me about the usual advice given to faithful spouses is how the advice ignores the abuse dynamic inherently involved in every situation where adultery has occurred.
What’s the “usual advice?”
You got to “fight for her/him” or stated in other ways: “You got to fight for your marriage.”
The insanity of this advice is apparent when cast in the light of dealing with an abusive individual. Cheaters are abusive, by the way.
Does any sane and godly Christian or pastor press a battered wife to pursue her abuser while he is remorseless and unrepentant about the abuse?
If they do, they are putting the battered wife back into a dangerous situation. That is not a godly or wise response to such a situation.
The same goes for adultery scenarios.
It is dangerous to encourage a faithful spouse to return to an unrepentant cheater. While the unrepentant cheater might not physically hit the faithful spouse, I assure you the emotional and spiritual devastation is much worse.
Plus, an unrepentant cheater has demonstrated a willingness–by their own actions–to put the physical health of their spouse at risk engaging in likely unsafe sexual practice(s).
Finally, the cheater engaged in the infidelity because he or she enjoys it.
The simple conclusion about their refusal to repentant suggests that they enjoy this wicked behavior more than stopping the abuse to their spouse’s soul (see post here). Do you really think it is wise to return a victim into that sort of setting?
Do not fight over or for an unrepentant cheater. That is as sane as fighting over the “privilege” of getting punched in the face again by an abuser who is more than happy to keep dispensing sucker-punches.
I certainly hope more pastors come to grasp this reality soon!
Where are the safe houses for spouses & children who are victims of adultery?
How can the law & the church force children to visit & live with soul rapists? Adulterers have broken all the commandments (there are laws against breaking some of them) & sinned against God, spouse & children to commit adultery!
One of the worst Sundays of my post D-day was sitting in church while a women who stayed with her cheating spouse shared her “testimony” while looking at me. It was like listening to a RIC site encouraging faithful spouses to stay, take the blame as a fellow sinner, believe in your spouse & fight for your marriage! I wanted to follow behind her & share my “testimony” of God telling me to get out of a sin invested, toxic environment before it got worse & my children were hurt by my perverted, selfish, lying, cheating, husband! If he showed sins of repentance while we were away, we were prepared to return…the choice was his to make. It is up to the adulterer to confess & repented (admenting it wrong & apologing for making a mistake does not equal repentance)
There are things that God says he hates & I believe an adulterer does them all! How can the church even consider encouraging a spouse & children to remain with such a person in that abusive environment that destroys the soul? How can the law put parental rights above the wellbeing & safety of children?
*repent (admitting “it” was wrong..