Starting Point: Cheating is abuse.

The more I do this work, the more I am convinced this is THE defining assumption missing among Christian leaders. They treat adultery as less than abuse.

If they get this assumption wrong, then all sorts of bad counsel flows from it.

Conversely, if they get this assumption correct, there is hope for good counsel and support for the faithful spouse.

Cheaters prey upon “helpers” who unwittingly sometimes enable their abuse of the faithful spouse because they fail to recognize it as such. Naming it as abuse will give some pause before enabling the Cheater.

Faithful spouse, you have a voice. You have the power to reject any “helper” that refuses to accept this assumption.

I would encourage you to do so. Be explicit about this assumption. Use it as a test, if you will. It could save you MUCH grief!