He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.
-Micah 6:8, NIV
Is it acting justly to shame infidelity victims for daring to voice the truth of being victimized?
This is what can happen when Christians warn faithful spouses about being “stuck in victimhood.” They run the danger of silencing via shame.
Warning faithful spouses about “victimhood mentality” is another way for them to avoid the uncomfortable nature of injustice and the pain of their brother or sister. The added bonus is how they look so “wise” in saying such things.
I am convinced most faithful spouses caught in the loop talking about their victimization are working through the grief. They need affirmation, not condemnation.
Faithful spouses are more than victims, BUT we are not less than victims, either!
Godly people are attuned to issues of justice. It is unjust to strip faithful spouses of justice by telling them–essentially–to deny the reality of the injustices they experienced. In other words, it is ungodly.
A more helpful perspective is to validate faithful spouses’ experiences of injustice AND cheer them on towards building a new, fulfilling life!
