“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.”
-Isaiah 43:18, NIV
Divorcing and–to a lesser degree–breaking up in general with a cheater is made more difficult during this age of electronic connection.
We are all just more connected than we ever were through the blessing and curse known as social media.
Within a month of my divorce decree, I decided I needed to cut my social media ties with my ex-wife.
I have never regretted this decision.
The temptation to Facebook-stalk and torture myself through manic checking of her page was one I needed to remove. Keeping such direct connections is–or would have been–detrimental to my healing and grieving process.
We aren’t friends in real life.
So, why be Facebook friends with a person who show so little remorse of such intimate betrayal and vile treachery?!
To those with kids, I understand the temptation to justify this connection as a way to keep up with kid photos, etc. There are other ways–e.g. email.
You do not need to torture yourself by staying connected to the social media image the cheater creates and promotes.
Remember: Their social media image is precisely what it is: An image. It ain’t reality, folks!
It is nearly impossible to heal and grieve when you are being constantly bombarded by reminders of the ongoing betrayal and contempt for you (plus God).
Disconnect and walk away…
…it is for your own good!
Dear Pastor and Mrs. DM,
Your posts are always excellent food for thought and balm for the heart of a Godly man or woman who has suffered through the infidelity and hard heartedness of his/her spouse.
Your comments today struck a sensitive chord with me because social media was extremely integral to my former husband’s problem with pornography, infidelity, adultery, some form of polygamy and fiscal irresponsibility to the tune of approximately $300,000 (if not twice that, considering his business practices and the corporate expense fund.)
As a journalist and Bible teacher who uses the computer for research and reporting, I had imagined myself to be fairly computer saavy. While everyone knows about Ashley Madison, online dating sites, pornography and the obvious internet causeways of sewage, let me tell you, I had never imagined the online mess with which a person can become entangled. My venal-minded spouse employed nearly 70 online accounts through approximately 15 to 20 social media and online financial vehicles to commit his womanizing and deceit over the course of at least 10 years or more. (Polygamy/pseudo-polygamy is expensive!) His public comments on multiple accounts were appalling – and he knew it. He delighted in flaunting his women online and making sure that he depicted himself as a charming, sincere, accomplished man of the world.
You are so correct that it is profoundly distressing to observe the “online life” of a faithless spouse. For me, it was like following my husband’s trail into a funnel spider’s underground lair. As soon as the divorce was final, I shut that door.
FYI, I have found that there is a tool called Notes on one’s Facebook account that I find useful, discreet and even comforting. I have permanently and publicly posted in my Notes – not on my Timeline – the facts of the demise of our 27-year marriage. As long as one is being careful with words and citing only the objective truth – no derogatory adjectives or adverbs, it’s a relief to express the experience and frustration of a Christian marriage undermined by hard-hearted sexual immorality. (You, DM, probably feel a catharsis like this when you consider matters and write this blog.)
Notes saves me from having to repeat the history for people who don’t need to know and it preserves the facts for anyone who truly does need to know. For instance, if my ex were to propose marriage to another woman, I assume that she would be curious about his first wife and what my side of the story may be. This way, she can look me up on Facebook and read the sorry truth in my Notes without having to contact me.
Social media is a two-sided sword.
Best regards and wishes for a blessed Christmas holiday!
Pam J.