“Many will say to me in that day, ‘Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?’ And then will I profess unto them, ‘I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.'”
-Matthew 7:22-23, KJV (quotation marks added)
No one who lives in him keeps on sinning. No one who continues to sin has either seen him or known him.
-I John 3:6, NIV
The only way to be saved is through knowing Jesus. And the only ones who actually know Jesus are those who refuse to keep on sinning.
This seems to set the priorities pretty clear in situations where adultery has occurred:
Has the adulterous party stopped cheating? Has she/he stopped lying and divulged the stolen secrets to his/her spouse?
What about restitution as evidenced of true repentance? Has he/she payed back money, time, and empathetic attention to the violated spouse?
Divorce is painful. It is costly. And no one who goes into a marriage has that as his or her life goal. However, sometimes divorce is the best choice out of bad options.
I am concerned that Christian leaders are more concerned about keeping marriages together than making sure the adulterous spouse is no longer sinning but repenting. That serves no one. And it goes a long way to painting a false picture of spiritual safety for the cheater.
It does not serve the faithful partner as the faithful spouse remains in a destructive situation dealing with gaping, unaddressed wounds (with salt periodically tossed upon said wounds).
It does not serve the family or the church as it is modeling toleration of ongoing sin as opposed to godly repentance from such serious sin.
It does not even serve the adulterous spouse as his/her salvation is in serious jeopardy as an unrepentant sinner.
Divorce is a statement. It is an acknowledgement that the relationship is dead.
God concedes that truth and action as a legitimate move for any of His followers faced with an adulterous betrayal (e.g. Jeremiah 3:8, Mt 19:9, etc.) or an abandonment by an unbeliever (e.g. I Cor. 7:15). It is a very vivid reminder to all that adultery has consequences, and God accepts divorce as one of those.
It is better to declare something as dead, which is, than to promote false spiritual security for the sinner who is not eternally safe in the least!
Wow! As I am reading this I’m thinking that this is exactly where I am right now after several months of being told there was no affair. There is so much evidence but honestly it’s all circumstantial. Even the counselor told me that. So, I wait. For damning evidence. I need it. I can’t walk out until I absolutely have it because I’m taking my younger kids with me.
Pray for me. Thanks.
Marie,
Luke 8:17 says “For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open.”
If you get the concrete evidence that your husband has been unfaithful and you decided to kick him out. If your husband run to the other woman, you did not make him do it. He would be making that decision solely on his own. We have no control over the decisions that others make. The only control we have is over the decisions we make. Please do not allow your husband, counselor or anyone else to guilt you into carrying that burden.
Keeping you in prayer.
I would also like to mention that the last time we went to counseling, the Christian Counselor said to me…” If you kick him out, you could be sending him right back into the arms of the other woman.” That was after him listening to and I’m pretty sure believing what I said with all the circumstantial evidence. I think the man believed me. He told me he would Hate to see me do this to my family. I told him that “I” didn’t do this to my family! …geesh…
Sounds like it might be time to fire your counselor. That is not Christian advice. You are not responsible for your husband’s sins. Kicking him out is not a valid excuse to cheat as there are none to sin. Committing adultery is sin.
This!
I have been divorced for nearly one year due to physical evidence I found of my ex-husband’s infidelity. He has never admitted to the infidelity but cannot explain the physical evidence in a way that I believe. He is back in my life and is being nice and helpful, but still will not confess and repent for the adultery. His narrative is that it never happened. Therefore, I am still dealing with the “gaping, unaddressed wounds” referred to in your blog and while I appreciate him being nice and helpful, it doesn’t replace the need for repentance. Thank you for recognizing the existence of these wounds (which he will not recognize) and reinforcing the importance of repentance.