“She always struck me as the type that needed to take her medicine straight up.”
– J, a friend from seminary, referring to my (now) ex-wife
These pearls of wisdom came from a true friend during a time when I was floundering. I needed to grow a backbone quickly. Thankfully, I had a friend like J who pushed be to draw healthy boundaries.
It is important to remember that adulterous spouses are not fragile wallflowers.
They have chosen to violate their marriage vows. And have chosen to cover such treachery with lies. Some have even gone further and launched attacks on the faithful spouses’ character.
Do not be deceived!
And adulterous spouse is a willful aggressor!
This is why hand-holding, Family of Origins (FOO excuse work will not solve the problem. The pastor or Christian leader is fiddling while the well-being of the faithful spouse is getting trampled on by the faithless spouse. Satan is laughing in their face.
By not having to make tough choices, Satan is allowed to bring destruction on both spouses. Spiritual destruction ultimately for the cheater (see I John 3:9) and numerous present-day manifestation of destruction for the faithful spouses.
Stronger medicine is needed.
God calls adultery evil (see Deut. 22:22).
You cannot defeat evil if you are unwilling to see it as such. And you cannot defeat evil by excusing or minimizing it. Evil needs to be confronted.
This is no time for half measures.
Adultery is a REAL BIG PROBLEM!
It is not a “slip up.” It is not a “mistake.” It is not even an “affair.”
It is SIN.
It is SOUL RAPE.
It is EVIL.
And such evil calls for the strongest of medicines:
The evil must stop. That must be priority number one for anyone who claims to care for the souls involved in violated marriage. We must love in action–even difficult and tough action–if we love in truth.
Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.
– I John 3:18, NIV