Guilty For NOT Confronting Adulterous Spouses

When I say to the wicked, ‘You wicked person, you will surely die,’ and you do not speak out to dissuade them from their ways, that wicked person will die for their sin, and I will hold you accountable for their blood. But if you do warn the wicked person to turn from their ways and they do not do so, they will die for their sin, though you yourself will be saved. – Ezekiel 33:8-9, NIV

Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers … shall inherit the kingdom of God. – I Corinthians 6:9a, 10b, KJV


In the rush to keep families “intact,” I am concerned that ministers and Christian counselors are heaping judgment upon their own heads unwittingly. They are the proverbial watchmen noted in Ezekiel 33. However, they are not warning adulterous spouses of certain damnation if they do not repent. As such, they are incurring God’s wrath for such failure as this Scripture illuminates.

The goal of keeping marriages and families together is certainly a noble goal. I am all for whole and healthy families. However, we can make this the ultimate goal to the exclusion of seeing God’s priorities on matters.

Do you think God will be impressed by how many marriages you helped keep together following adultery without insisting on repentance? 

On Judgment Day, do you think adulterous spouses will thank you for not warning them of the dire spiritual danger they were in when committing adultery without repenting?

How about how you will answer the God who defends the oppressed when they cry out to Him about how you chose to attack and blame them for the adulterous sin in order to achieve your “intact” marriage goal?

The spiritual well-being of the marriage partners needs to be priority number one. This means prioritizing godliness over our own goals and agenda–however well-intentioned or apparently noble they may be.

We need to be godly watchmen and watch-women…

Calling the adulterous to repentance so that we can live with a clean conscience regardless of how they respond.

3 thoughts on “Guilty For NOT Confronting Adulterous Spouses”

  1. Dear DM

    Just the other night I was thinking our loud about and discussing with my husband (who is a physician and I have a masters in Social Work)…..I said. We have it all wrong! we encourage collusion….(treatment for betrayal and infidelity) If a couple came into “therapy” after the “Disclosure” I believe it would be better to assure the cheating spouse that they can become a prodigal ONLY if they became 100% accountable to the impact of their behavior on not only their partner but others. Simultaneously focus on the betrayed Spouse (who would be traumatized and in shock), help the betrayed spouse muster all the self care and positive ways to restore themselves (not focus on the cheater), Demand the betraying spouse provide a fair Post Nup.

    Then without the cheater knowing utilize a private detective!
    (It would be like a urine drop for substance addicts).

    If the cheater is 100% willing to stop – and look AT THEMSELVES and be accountable – and take ownership in helping restore their marriage – game on.

    (But too often I see YEARS of repeated multiple D-Days and frankly no real interest by many betrayers to stop. I’ve seen cheaters lie not only to their primary spouse (for years on end) and their own children…. but to therapists, lawyers, courts, employers, friends and even to their various sexual partners in the deceit crime.

    So in the meantime dehumanized betrayed partners spend fortunes in “Therapy,” and “treatments programs, reduced to impoverishment and (soul raped – repeatedly). Not only by the cheater but the culture around them ignoring the realities of betrayal.

    I say why not hit hard at the beginning. Make a cheater stand still and tell the truth and if it’s not possible fine, then help the betrayed spouse move to safety more swiftly without cleaning out their pockets on top of their souls.

    The rush to keep families intact should be a rush to HOLD A CHEATER ACCOUNTABLE and then…….about the future.

    Sorry I rant instead of sing


    Thank you again and again for your thoughtful and inspiring blogs

    1. DM

      2 things I would like to add for serious consideration (and this is my personal observation):

      1) After the “Discovery,” What is the real percentage of betrayed spouses who contemplate suicide for the very first time? (Those who do not commit suicide do so usually because of children). Is it 70% or more?

      2) Most Cheaters do not practice safe sex. (This is why it becomes a human rights issue and domestic violence by stealth).

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