“A good man out of the good treasure of the heart bringeth forth good things: and an evil man out of the evil treasure bringeth forth evil things.
But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment.”
-Matthew 12:35-36, KJV
Follow the choices to discover the responsible party. Who chose what when it comes to infidelity? Was the faithful spouse consulted in that choice? Did the faithful spouse buy her spouse hookers or did he choose to do that all on his own?
It is not that hard.
However, somehow pastors and other Christian leaders fail to grasp the basics of choice and personal responsibility. It is as if they operate in an alternate universe where a cheater is no longer responsible for his or her own unilateral choices. I assure you, as you can see in Jesus’ words quoted from Matthew, that God does not live agree with that universe.
And His opinion, really, is all that matters.
It is really not that difficult when you approach infidelity as a matter of choice:
Who chose to cheat?
-The adulterous spouse.
Was that choice to cheat a joint decision?
-No way! The faithful spouse was blindsided when she uncovered the adulterous relationship.
Did the cheating spouse have to bear her soul to her coworker over one-on-one lunches over a period of months?
-No. She wanted to do that, and she intentionally chose to cultivate an emotionally inappropriate relationship.
Did the husband have to choose to divorce and abandon his family?
-No. He chose to quit on his marriage and family instead of seeking help and honoring his marriage vows.
I could continue with this exercise; however, I suspect you get the point. Many, many choices go into being unfaithful and/or abandoning a faithful spouse and family.
These things do NOT “just happen!”
And it is incredibly unjust to hold a faithful spouse accountable or responsible–even partly–for the poor choices made unilaterally by an adulterous partner. We will answer to God for our own choices–including even word choices–and not for others’.
That truth ought to be clear to any Biblical pastor.
The unfaithful spouse needs to learn to own his/her own choices because–trust me–they will own them one day before God as He is too wise to accept excuses or blame-shifting. After all, their soul’s destination depends on learning that lesson before that Day and turning from their sin–i.e. repenting.