Christians seem especially invested in the marriage autopsy.
I think this is part of the control fascination. It is the idea that we control whether or not our spouse cheats and/or abandons us.
For us to accept the truth–i.e. we do NOT control whether or not our spouse cheats on and/or abandons us–makes us feel vulnerable. It is scary. But that does not make it less than the truth.
The world is a scary place.
One of my issues with the marriage autopsy efforts I endured was how it seemed to focus less on biblically permitted divorce reasons and more about whether or not the marriage was miserable.
Plus, in my opinion, those doing the autopsy failed to take into account that a cheater is generally going to paint a dark picture of the marriage she blew up by cheating and then abandoned. And cheaters lie, by the way.
These autopsy efforts seemed to believe miserable marriages are what cause divorces as opposed to the actual sins the Bible enumerates as causes for said marital dissolutions–namely, sexual infidelity and unbiblical abandonment.
It is a running joke in culture that people get married to be miserable. “The old ball and chain” is how many refer to marriage.
My point is that many people are in miserable marriages yet never cheat on their spouses. The one does not necessarily follow the other.
So, it is a waste of time looking at the happiness or misery level in the marriage when dealing with infidelity situations. Those levels did not cause the infidelity.
And—this is what this common cultural trope indicates–many are in miserable marriages and do not get divorced. It does not follow that miserable marriage equals a divorce.
All of this comes back to “The Shared Responsibility Lie.” The lie is the idea that we are responsible–fully or partially–for another person’s actions and decisions. We are not!
Miserable in the marriage or not. We are accountable for our actions and choices. Being unhappy in one’s marriage is not the cause of infidelity.
A lack of character is what causes infidelity–namely, the cheater’s inability to keep his or her solemn vow to forsake all others.
It seems to me that the adulterers/soul rapists are now entitled to more than grace, mercy and forgiveness. They are absolved from it all! Possibly because of how Satan/World have twisted the word of God.
•We are not allowed to confront sin because that would make them judgmental!
•The guilty are innocent until proven guilty and since it is a judgemental to call them out on their guilt/sin…they are not!
•Since the adulterer cannot be “found guilty” — the innocent are treated as if they are guilty (i.e: Innocent are guilty until proven innocent—impossible since we all have sinned and fallen short …)
•We are living in the days when evil is called “good” — and therefore, good is treated as if “evil”
Sadly…that seems all too accurate, Nyra. Come, Lord Jesus!
Correction in my first bullet (•):
“them” should be “us/Christians”
Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter! Isaiah 5:20.