In my distress I called upon the Lord;
to my God I cried for help.
From his temple he heard my voice,
and my cry to him reached his ears.
Then the earth reeled and rocked;
the foundations also of the mountains trembled
and quaked, because he was angry.-Psalm 18:6-7, ESV
I write this as a pastor who has been criticized for being passionate. At least, that’s how I interpret the criticism. And it usually comes from other Christian leaders. My passion makes them uncomfortable.
Now, the criticism is usually veiled in “concern” language with implied religious judgments used to scare off more timid people than myself (these days):
“I’m concerned about your healing.”
“You sound angry/hurt/bitter.”
“Be aware of your office as a pastor and the authority you hold. You are leading people.”
While I agree it is wise to weigh one’s passion and make sure one is not hurting others out of one’s wounds, strong feelings are not automatically signs of disqualification for a leader. In fact, they may actually be what qualifies them to lead. And those strong feelings may even come out of a painful season. This is true of Hosea where we have a whole book from a man clearly who knew the pain adultery causes writing in extremely graphic terms. Strong feelings may be exactly what God wants in His chosen leader as it was for Hosea.
Besides that, it is because my God gets angry that I continue to love and follow Him.
My God is not a robot.
He has “fire in His belly.”
God is someone who is moved by my pain and filled with righteous anger when He sees injustice as these verses from Psalm 18 demonstrate. He cares when His children are wounded and makes the earth shake with His passionate response to their cries of pain.
My God is full of fire and burns for righteousness.
When pastors strongly denounces adultery, they send a statement consistent with Scripture. When pastors takes a firm stance against blame-shifting upon the faithful spouse, they send a clear statement that they will protect the vulnerable and abused in the relationship. They stand with God and the truth. When they get angry over the wickedness and lies surrounding adultery, they tell the victims through their anger as pastors that God cares and sees their pain. Their anger says adultery is a big deal.
I refuse to apologize for my passion on these matters.
Faithful spouses and their innocent children need to know God’s heart on adultery. They need to feel the passion of a righteous and just God who gets angry at wickedness and is not afraid to show it. And they need to see more of God’s priests embody His heart when it comes to the evil that is adultery.
They need to see that God does care about their pain and He does see it.
Passion demonstrates that.
Cool detachment says that God doesn’t really care about adultery.
And that’s a lie.
This is the very opposite to how my church eldership acted.
Even today 14 months post d’day they are still assisting my STBX to hide from what he did in the aim of restoration. While aiding his game playing to maintain and control of the ever evolving narrative.
How can we live a Christ centered life when those in authority are projecting their own assumptions into the mix. Non of the elders of my old church have bothered to ask me what my life was really like with the cheater but they are happy to hold me to full account on the cheaters say so.
My rightful anger and grief was labled as violent and unforgiving not to mention sinful. I was given grace with expectation of pay back.
I know this action is not the action of a healthy church or God fearing people, it is the action of self seeking people with a personal agenda to push. What they missed was that my then 15 year old son was watching them closely for guidance. When they chose to keep his fathers secret it made him question his own action as he had kept his fathers secret for years, the reason I found out about my STBX’s adultery was because my son came clean about his fathers porn addiction of which he had know about for years.
These things should not be kept in secret and from personal experience I know those who try the hardest to silence you are the ones with the most to loose from the truth being told.
Thankful- that is so awful and painful. People who ignore or hide abuse are just as bad as the abuser. I think that is evil. So sorry that you have to go through all of that. Hugs and prayers to you.
DM, I appreciate your energy and enthusiasm. Being a male betrayed spouse also, it has been most difficult to meet the expectations of being strong, dignified and keep it all quiet while trying to reconcile. I think that just prolongs the lies, deceit and fog. Keep up the good work.
Another great post. I agree, cool detachment demonstrates not only a lack of passion, but also a lack of compassion and empathy for the betrayed. Clearly, they don’t grasp the depth of emotional and spiritual pain and devastation that betrayal inflicts, soul rape as you so aptly describe. They need also to acknowledge that betrayal in any form is despicable. I’ve always held that many of the 10 commandments allude to some variation of betrayal.
I am so very grateful that you heed your calling since your ministry, your wisdom, passion and compassion are so desperately needed and are a balm to so many of our wounded souls.
Thank you.
Standing ovation from this corner of the world. The criticism you are getting only illuminates further how much closer to the Word this blog ministry is. The healing provided vis a vis your scripture based comments is needed. Thank you for your work.