“You shouldn’t mention the cheating again. Didn’t you already say you forgave him?!”
-Clueless “Christian” Counselor
Forgiveness does not erase the impact of the sin(s).
If you have a pastor or “Christian” counselor pressuring you, faithful spouse, to never mention the cheating again, you need to find a better counselor/spiritual guide. They are clueless.
Recovering from a spouse’s cheating is not simply a matter of forgiveness.
It is a matter of grieving the many losses of things taken from the faithful spouse like safety, money, and much, much more.
It is a matter of recovering from soul rape. Trauma does not suddenly disappear just because you decided once to forgive the perpetrator.
The pastor or Christian counselor who fails to see these two dynamics is not qualified, IMO, to help faithful spouses to recover and heal. They are not equipped with the necessary basic knowledge required to meet and treat the faithful spouse’s wounds.
Plus, any pastor or “Christian” counselor who condemns a faithful spouse for mentioning the infidelity “again” after “forgiving” is likely engaging in spiritual abuse, IMO.
They are condemning the faithful spouse for doing what he or she needs to do in order to heal.
Namely, they are condemning the faithful spouse for needing validation that what happened happened.
They are condemning the faithful spouse for trying to make sense of their traumatic experience.
And they are condemning the faithful spouse for needing to engage in lament.
If you have a pastor or counselor doing this, please fire them!
Find someone who understands infidelity as a soul-level trauma and abuse because that is what adultery is.