No Such Thing As “A Break” in Marriage

“I just needed a break.”


I wonder how many who come here experienced their cheater instituting “a break” from their marriage.

My (now) ex-wife took her own “break.” She went on a trip to Europe alone and removed her wedding ring on this trip. I have the pictures to prove it. When I pointed this out in our marriage counseling later, her excuse–as I recall–was that she needed a break from our marriage. She did not want to think about her marriage on the trip…hmmmm. Red flag, maybe?

A break from our marriage.

Even I–chump as I was then–sensed something was amiss. That said, asking for “a break” seems reasonable in many instances.

Who doesn’t need “a break” at some time?

From work.

From school.

From keeping up the household cleaning.

From watching the kids.

But even asking for a break demonstrates the asking spouse does not fundamentally grasp what marriage is:

It is a covenantal relationship sealed with vows before God.

You cannot take a break from a covenantal relationship.

It is a matter of either keeping your vows or violating them.

(Or ending the relationship through divorce as God did with adulterous Israel–see Jeremiah 3:8.)

There’s no such thing as a break from being married!

You are either married or you are not.


Trying to take a break from marriage is like trying to take a break from being the biological parent of a kid:

You can deny being the biological parent.

  • But it does not change the fact that you are the child’s biological parent.

You can even run from the responsibilities that come with being a biological parent.

  • But that does cancel your legal duties to support your child as I understand it being a non-lawyer. After all, you hear of the legal system–probably not as much as it should–going after “dead beat” fathers over unpaid child support and garnishing their wages. Responsibilities remain even if one is not fulfilling them.

Similarly, you can deny that you are married.

  • But that is a lie.

And you can run from the responsibilities of being married–especially that “forsaking all others” part.

  • But you are still liable for breaking your vows. You are still raping your spouse’s soul. And adultery is what you are committing even if you are pretending to be on a marriage “break.”

So, let’s just cut the nonsense:

It’s not “a break” but “an excuse” to cheat.