God judgeth the righteous, and God is angry with the wicked every day.
-Psalm 7:11, KJV
If anything, I was too mellow when it came to my (now) ex-wife’s cheating behavior! Most of my anger was directed at the proxy agents used by her to manipulate the narrative and keep me unbalanced. They did sinful and wrong things, true. But the problem was really with my cheating (ex) wife and not them. She was the “ammunition supplier,” so to speak, of that firing squad.
I suspect this anger orientation experience is not unique to me.
It is easier to be angry at the Other Man/Other Woman or other interfering family/”friends” than at the actual cheating spouse. No one wants to believe such an intimate relationship was so willfully violated by the person we thought or–still unfortunately do–think is our closest “friend.”
A healthy anger is helpful in dealing with a cheating spouse. It gives the faithful spouse the energy to protect him or her from being damaged further by the humiliation of the infidelity.
Such anger says,
“NO! I did not deserve this and will not accept this sort of treatment.”
This is healthy. It is godly to refuse to take responsibility for being sinned against. Clearly, cheaters need reminders that what they did is completely unacceptable and not the fault of their victims in any way.
This sort of anger and response is godly. It is not sinful but anger functioning as God designed it to function in us. Such anger is functioning to right real injustices and protect the victim of such injustice. That is good.
I encourage such anger.