“When you go through deep waters,
I will be with you.
When you go through rivers of difficulty,
you will not drown.
When you walk through the fire of oppression,
you will not be burned up;
the flames will not consume you.
For I am the Lord, your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.”
-Isaiah 43:2-3a, NLT
Change is hard.
I suspect this is why many of us, faithful spouses, stay stuck after discovering adultery ignoring the obvious evidence of ongoing adulterous contempt that our spouses are more than happy to rub in our faces.
We are so invested in avoiding the reality that change has already come that we continue to participate in our own humiliation.
I’ve done it.
We play into the “Shared Responsibility Lie.” And we accept council from people who really are not our friends and are just enabling the adultery to continue. We hope that by taking more humiliation and working on ourselves that it will mean this nightmare will end and our spouse will truly repent of adultery. We dellusionally believe we can fix a problem outside of our power to fix…if only we work harder on ourselves! Then we can avoid divorce. We can adultery proof the marriage (lie). We can avoid CHANGE.
Change is scary.
The unknown is terrifying.
How will I survive financially without my spouse’s income? Where will I live if I can’t afford this place? Will anyone ever want me, again? I don’t want to come home to an empty bed after years (if not decades) of sharing it. How will divorce impact the kids? Will I lose them on top of this in a costly custody battle? How about my church? Will they embrace or blame/shame me if I choose divorce? What will our friends think? Will they choose her side even knowing she raped my soul?
Change. It’s scary.
Mrs. DM can attest to my dislike of change. I like things to be predictable, and I want my schedule to work smoothly. Plus, I like seeing things through to completion. All of these desires and values were thwarted when my first marriage ended in adultery discovery and divorce.
Change was thrust upon me.
So, what Scripture resources do we have to face the giant named “Change”?
We have today’s verses, and they are some of my favorites in all of Scripture. Notice Isaiah talks about “when” you go through deep waters and fire. He does not say “if.” It is assumed life for God’s people will include battling flames and floods.
But it comes with two promises from God:
The floods and flame will not drown or consume you.
God will be with you.
I can testify to the truth of these verses. As I walked through the flames and floods in my life, I can see God carrying me through to the other side. That does not mean it was easy or I never doubted the truth of these promises. I tell you that I felt the heat, and sometimes I even thought I would drown. But God’s word is true: He was with me, and He never let me drown nor be consumed.
Change is hard.
But sometimes change is what is needed. It refines and makes us into tempered steel hardened by the flames of oppression and quenched by the floods of difficulties. You walk through these things and become a weapon forged with a testimony that not even the gates of Hell can overcome (see Isaiah 54:16-17).
Yes, change is hard.
But God is with you, and you will not be destroyed.