This song by Josh Turner came on the radio the other day. Like songs and scents are liable to do, it transported me to another time.
It reminded me of my first honeymoon. You see, we drove to our honeymoon location while this and other songs from this new-at-the-time album from Josh Turner played. It was a truly happy time. I am not one bit ashamed to embrace that memory as such.
That said, that memory is now bittersweet:
It is a reminder of what could have been. It is a reminder of innocence lost. It is a reminder of my once overly-trusting self. It is a happy memory now forever touched with the sadness of grief.
And that is okay. It is okay to feel sad over what was lost. That is healthy.
Often times, I suspect we buy the lie that recovery from such catastrophic loss means we will never have a sad moment like I just described. I call it a lie for good reasons. Sadness does not indicate we’ve fallen off the recovery train or are damaged goods. It means we loved with our whole heart and lost something of value to us.
My hope for you, faithful spouse, is not that you will forget your past and avoid such poignant moments. Rather, my hope is you are able to embrace that past self and those memories.
Feeling sad over what was destroyed is not a sign of weakness or damage; it is a sign that you valued the relationship and gave yourself to it wholly as God expects all spouses to do.
I would be more concerned about a faithful spouse who never had these moments.
His family all tried to comfort him, but he refused to be comforted. “I will go to my grave mourning for my son,” he would say, and then he would weep.
-Genesis 37:35, NLT