You have removed lover and friend far from me;
My acquaintances are in darkness.
-Psalm 88:18, NASB
Holidays can be especially painful when you find yourself recently bereft of your spouse or long-time partner.
Honestly, some of the most painful parts of my marriage ending was adjusting to no longer having my spouse with me on a daily basis. The physical absence was hard.
Being held and holding someone is especially desired during these festive seasons. Skin hunger is real. The absence is painfully noticeable.
Before things really hit the fan in earnest, I remember one particularly awful Christmastime experience.
You see, my (now ex) wife refused to fly back to my home state. Instead, she decided to spend the Christmas holidays with those who I later discovered were a couple of traitors, not friends.
So, I got to fly back to my home state with an empty seat next to me–there and back. It was a miserable Christmastime!
Her absence was noticeable and very, very painful.
For those of you new here, I want to encourage you. I got through it. Yes, it is painful, but you can make through it as well.
Returning to the verse above, I love how brutally honest the Psalmist is. He does not sugar-coat his feelings of abandonment and pain.
An important part of healing is acknowledging the reality that we hurt. This is independent of whether or not we are seeking to stay in our marriage.
We may no longer cognitively want to be with the other, but that does not invalidate the real, painful feelings we are having because they are absent.
The pain of no longer feeling their touch is real.
It is okay to hurt.
You are not weak or deficient to miss your cheating partner during Christmastime. It is only human to miss someone with whom you were one.