How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness?
-2 Corinthians 6:14b, NLT
Some Christians expect faithful spouses to remain “friends” with their cheating ex-partner following divorce. This is insane!
The expectation is wound up in a twisted and perverted understanding of what forgiveness demands in this situation.
Guess what? I can forgive someone and still NOT be friends with them.
Forgiveness does not entail friendship.
It takes two people to have a relationship. A good relationship requires both parties to act in ways that exhibit kindness and care for the other. The simple version of this idea:
Friends act like friends.
That is the problem with remaining friends with a cheater. They have not behaved like a true friend to the faithful spouse. In fact, they have already acted in horribly abusive ways to them. Some cheaters are not even sorry about this behavior.
Such actions–such sins–can be forgiven but it would be unwise to “befriend” such a person allowing them to further abuse you.
Do we expect rape victims to demonstrate their forgiveness by becoming friends with their rapists?
No.
The same thing applies here. A faithful spouse is a soul rape victim, and so it makes sense the faithful spouse does not want to be friends anymore with the person who violated them in this way.
To the Christians objecting to this understanding, I have a biblical question for them to answer:
“How can light live with darkness?”
A cheater must demonstrate he or she is friend-material, and that starts by learning to walk in the light of the Lord. It is not a mark against a Christian faithful spouse if he or she chooses refuse to befriend the ex who lives in spiritual darkness.
This is so true. My wife, who left my sons and I and moved in with her affair partner she met online, has told me she thinks of me as a “dear friend.” I told her friends don’t hurt each other. She still thinks she hasn’t done anything to hurt me or her sons. She has a very hard heart.