What’s up with that cheater rage?!


Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.

-Proverbs 29:11, NIV

What’s up with that cheater rage?!

You know: It is the rage that shows up when the cheater is caught red-handed. Instead of coming clean, the cheater comes after the faithful spouse with anger and a mean, demeaning verbal barrage of fault-finding.

This is precisely how I remember my cheater responded when I confronted her about the Other Man. You see, I wasn’t supposed to know about him. Certainly, I wasn’t supposed to know about him before the divorce was finalized as that detail–that she was committing adultery and hiding it–has a way of putting a damper on convincing other Christians that the divorce was my fault. Yet I digress… 

What’s up with that cheater rage?!

Anger has a way of putting distance between us and others. Distance is precisely what a cheater wants when the mask is ripped off and the truth comes out. You have put a mirror to them with the truth, and they do not like being reminded of who they actually are:

An adulterous, treacherous, lying spouse.

So, they get angry. Cheaters want you and your mirror–i.e. the mirror of truth–to go away. These are the unrepentant sort of cheaters who respond in this way. They are not ready to face reality and accept responsibility for what they did. Rather, they are choosing to push away anyone with anger who dares expose the sinful fantasy that they are living.

-They aren’t poor misunderstood victims of a horrible marriage.

-They aren’t a stupendous spouse.

-They are soul rapists!

That truth is too difficult for them to face. So, they will push you away with rage until their pride is broken. It is only then that they are able to respond with godly humility and gentleness.

That’s what is up with cheater rage.