And this is the condemnation, that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil.
-John 3:19, NKJV
That is a normal response to traumatic revelations. And the revelation that one’s spouse cheated and lied to cover it up certainly qualifies as a traumatic revelation.
I am of the opinion that healing from such revelations only begin once one is willing to accept the awful reality that it really did happen. They actually did plot deception and betray you. What the cheater did is that bad!
Now, I get that it takes time to get to this point of acceptance.
We are not aided by a secular culture or church that minimizes cheating and blames victims of such dastardly betrayals–even if only in part. Such ungodly influences muddy the waters and make it difficult to gain a clear handle on what happened, which is vital to grieving and healing from such a catastrophic betrayal(s).
You do not have to make the cheating spouse out to be a monster. Just look at their actions and choices letting those speak for themselves:
She went to multiple marriage counseling sessions while seeing the Other Man, whom she failed to mention while tearing down her husband in front of the counselor.
He claimed that they could not afford a family vacation, but he found the money to take the Other Woman on a week-long Caribbean cruise!
She claimed not to be “in the mood.” But she had no problem spreading her legs whenever the Other Man was interested.
Yes, it is truly awful what cheaters have done. I recommend writing it out to help it sink into your head. Maybe they weren’t always this sort of a person, but that does not change the fact of what they did. They are that sort of a person, because they did those things.