“Of course, her cheating on you was wrong. But we both know you contributed your own sins to the marriage as well.” -Concerned Christian “friend” This sort of response to adultery is wrong on multiple levels: First, this sort of response indicates the speaker is equating sins via suggesting the faithful spouse’s sin(s) in the … Continue reading “Cheater Apologist: “Of course, her cheating on you was wrong. But….””
Category: Trauma of adultery
Quote from expert on sexual abuse
“The perpetrator must say the crime out loud; acknowledge how his actions have impacted his victim; empathize with her; feel profound remorse; and do ‘extensive work’ to understand what made him commit the crime.” -Eve Ensler on what a real apology is regarding sexual abuse Want to know if a cheater is truly sincere in … Continue reading “Quote from expert on sexual abuse”
Faithful Spouses, let those cheaters be angry.
It is not your job to manage your spouse’s emotions. We must manage our own. God will call us to account for how we act, which is another way of saying how we manage our emotions (see 2 Corinthians 5:10). While I encourage you to allow your cheater to be upset, I want to be … Continue reading “Faithful Spouses, let those cheaters be angry.”
Brain-Blender: Cheater Marriage “History”
Telling lies about others is as harmful as hitting them with an ax, wounding them with a sword, or shooting them with a sharp arrow. -Proverbs 25:18, NLT One of the many things that baffles me about the accepted Christian “wisdom” on healing marriages ravaged by adultery is how often pastors and counselors seem to … Continue reading “Brain-Blender: Cheater Marriage “History””
The gift of a heartbreak
The gift of a heartbreak. Having one’s heart broken by a cheater is not fun. It hurts A LOT!! Yet, a gift is present even in that pain: That gift is a reminder that you HAVE a heart! You attached. That is a good thing. People who do not attach to their partners are … Continue reading “The gift of a heartbreak”
No matter what “they” say…
No matter what “they” say… …the cheating is NOT your fault, not even partially! This is the truth. We are not responsible for someone else’s sins. Cheating and lying are certainly sins. But they are not our own. The lying cheater must make an account for them one day–see 2 Corinthians 5:10–not us, the faithful … Continue reading “No matter what “they” say…”
Gratitude (or lack thereof) is very telling!
“Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.” -Luke 7:47, NIV The amount of gratitude ought to match the amount forgiven. This is one lesson I take from Jesus’ teaching in this verse. And it is an important spiritual lesson … Continue reading “Gratitude (or lack thereof) is very telling!”
Refuse to Ride
To heal, we have to acknowledge the truth. The sad thing is our cheater may never actually do this. They might engage you in an endless battle over getting you to take responsibility for their abuse of you. That argument is one crazy ride. Refuse to take the bait. While helpful, you do not have … Continue reading “Refuse to Ride”
Why bother acting righteously?
When the wicked prosper, why bother being good? This is a common question I encounter when a faithful spouses watches their cheating (ex) spouse seemingly avoid any real-life consequences for acting so dastardly and wickedly. It is an ancient question. The Bible is full of rejoinders to the person who is wondering about this sort … Continue reading “Why bother acting righteously?”
To Be Seen: Where are the godly divorced testimonies in church?
Because Joseph her husband was faithful to the law, and yet did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly. -Matthew 1:19, NIV And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce; … Continue reading “To Be Seen: Where are the godly divorced testimonies in church?”