Public Service Announcement: Cheaters are known to try and exploit you when you are most vulnerable. This is why having a good divorce lawyer (and potentially a forensic accountant) is important. A marriage ending is not like breaking up in high school. Real assets are in play. Breaking a marriage covenant has legal and financial consequences. Like so … Continue reading “Cheaters Exploiting Your Weakness”
Category: Trauma of adultery
On leaving open the door to “Romantic Fantasy Land”
“This is the way of an adulterous woman: She eats and wipes her mouth and says, ‘I’ve done nothing wrong.’” -Proverbs 30:20, NIV It is pointless to engage in “reconciliation” efforts while a partner continues cheating. You are wasting time and treasure. The worst piece of advice I got was to take my focus off … Continue reading “On leaving open the door to “Romantic Fantasy Land””
Healing DOES come!
Today, I received a simple junk-mail in my inbox. It was forwarded to me from my ex-wife. In the past, such an email would have triggered a “flight” response in my body as I felt my chest-tighten in panic. It didn’t elicit that sort of response in me this time. This tells me something: Healing … Continue reading “Healing DOES come!”
Dear DM, I need your advice.
Dear DM, I need your advice. My wife has committed adultery several times in our marriage and I reconciled over and over again. Two of my ex wife’s lovers were my sons friend fathers and two more were my sons wrestling coach’s. After he discovered his second wrestling coach, he cut off contact with his … Continue reading “Dear DM, I need your advice.”
Encountering any foolish “friends?”
Fools have no interest in understanding; they only want to air their own opinions. -Proverbs 18:2, NLT In my season of suffering, I found some people simply do not want to hear my pain. They didn’t want to understand. These people were set in their beliefs about divorce. They were happy to share their judgment … Continue reading “Encountering any foolish “friends?””
Contempt signals, “It’s over!”
When a wicked man comes, contempt also comes,And with dishonor comes scorn. -Proverbs 18:3, NASB When a cheater shows contempt for you, it is time to leave the relationship. I am talking more than simply the act of cheating–which is truly an act of contempt. Rather, I am talking about interactions with the cheater where they express … Continue reading “Contempt signals, “It’s over!””
Lectured by a cheater
The man said, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.” -Genesis 3:12, NIV Ever notice how quick the cheater is to talk about what “you owe” them?! The last thing they want to do is face the mirror and see their own shortcomings. In … Continue reading “Lectured by a cheater”
“Damaged Goods” Shaming
“I hope you are finding healing…” -Authority figure (responding to faithful spouse’s vulnerable sharing) It happened again for me today. However, I think I am getting better at spotting it faster: THE HOOK– For me, it is the unwanted identity of being “damaged goods” as particularly coming from an authority figure of some sort in … Continue reading ““Damaged Goods” Shaming”
Cheater-Speak: “I protected YOUR reputation with our friends.”
“I protected YOUR reputation with our friends,” says Cheater. The assumption here is the faithful spouse will lie for the cheater in order to make them look good to their mutual friends. I say lie because telling these friends a different reason than the infidelity being behind the divorce (or severe marriage struggles) is a … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “I protected YOUR reputation with our friends.””
Towards fixing Protestantism’s failings on forgiveness and supporting adultery victims
So they sat down with him upon the ground seven days and seven nights, and none spake a word unto him: for they saw that his grief was very great. -Job 2:13, KJV Protestantism is big on sin and forgiveness. Emphasis on sin and forgiveness is pervasive through evangelical teaching and preaching. That is … Continue reading “Towards fixing Protestantism’s failings on forgiveness and supporting adultery victims”