Hi, I have a question about forgiveness. Its clear in the scriptures that God doesn’t forgive unless a human repents, and repentance means to feel deep remorse AND stop the sin and go the other way. My X wife remains in her adulterous relationship. I believe that a human divorce does not make her relationship … Continue reading “Mailbag: Forgiveness Question”
Category: Trauma of adultery
…and then it all made sense…
Relief. The months of stone-cold or downright cruel responses. Warmth disappearing overnight like a Minnesotan May blizzard. It all started to make sense. I wasn’t imagining things. The Other Man. He existed. Had existed for months! This is one of the strangest and most surreal parts of discovering infidelity. The moment of confirmation is not only … Continue reading “…and then it all made sense…”
Yes, that happened. No, it is NOT your fault.
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. -Hebrews 13:4, NIV “Yes, it happened. She cheated on you. And yes, you didn’t deserve it. It’s not your fault. Not at all.” You really want to help a faithful spouse. These … Continue reading “Yes, that happened. No, it is NOT your fault.”
Cheater Apologist: “Of course, her cheating on you was wrong. But….”
“Of course, her cheating on you was wrong. But we both know you contributed your own sins to the marriage as well.” -Concerned Christian “friend” This sort of response to adultery is wrong on multiple levels: First, this sort of response indicates the speaker is equating sins via suggesting the faithful spouse’s sin(s) in the … Continue reading “Cheater Apologist: “Of course, her cheating on you was wrong. But….””
Quote from expert on sexual abuse
“The perpetrator must say the crime out loud; acknowledge how his actions have impacted his victim; empathize with her; feel profound remorse; and do ‘extensive work’ to understand what made him commit the crime.” -Eve Ensler on what a real apology is regarding sexual abuse Want to know if a cheater is truly sincere in … Continue reading “Quote from expert on sexual abuse”
Faithful Spouses, let those cheaters be angry.
It is not your job to manage your spouse’s emotions. We must manage our own. God will call us to account for how we act, which is another way of saying how we manage our emotions (see 2 Corinthians 5:10). While I encourage you to allow your cheater to be upset, I want to be … Continue reading “Faithful Spouses, let those cheaters be angry.”
Brain-Blender: Cheater Marriage “History”
Telling lies about others is as harmful as hitting them with an ax, wounding them with a sword, or shooting them with a sharp arrow. -Proverbs 25:18, NLT One of the many things that baffles me about the accepted Christian “wisdom” on healing marriages ravaged by adultery is how often pastors and counselors seem to … Continue reading “Brain-Blender: Cheater Marriage “History””
The gift of a heartbreak
The gift of a heartbreak. Having one’s heart broken by a cheater is not fun. It hurts A LOT!! Yet, a gift is present even in that pain: That gift is a reminder that you HAVE a heart! You attached. That is a good thing. People who do not attach to their partners are … Continue reading “The gift of a heartbreak”
No matter what “they” say…
No matter what “they” say… …the cheating is NOT your fault, not even partially! This is the truth. We are not responsible for someone else’s sins. Cheating and lying are certainly sins. But they are not our own. The lying cheater must make an account for them one day–see 2 Corinthians 5:10–not us, the faithful … Continue reading “No matter what “they” say…”
Gratitude (or lack thereof) is very telling!
“Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.” -Luke 7:47, NIV The amount of gratitude ought to match the amount forgiven. This is one lesson I take from Jesus’ teaching in this verse. And it is an important spiritual lesson … Continue reading “Gratitude (or lack thereof) is very telling!”