To heal, we have to acknowledge the truth. The sad thing is our cheater may never actually do this. They might engage you in an endless battle over getting you to take responsibility for their abuse of you. That argument is one crazy ride. Refuse to take the bait. While helpful, you do not have … Continue reading “Refuse to Ride”
Category: Trauma of adultery
Why bother acting righteously?
When the wicked prosper, why bother being good? This is a common question I encounter when a faithful spouses watches their cheating (ex) spouse seemingly avoid any real-life consequences for acting so dastardly and wickedly. It is an ancient question. The Bible is full of rejoinders to the person who is wondering about this sort … Continue reading “Why bother acting righteously?”
To Be Seen: Where are the godly divorced testimonies in church?
Because Joseph her husband was faithful to the law, and yet did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly. -Matthew 1:19, NIV And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce; … Continue reading “To Be Seen: Where are the godly divorced testimonies in church?”
Cheaters Exploiting Your Weakness
Public Service Announcement: Cheaters are known to try and exploit you when you are most vulnerable. This is why having a good divorce lawyer (and potentially a forensic accountant) is important. A marriage ending is not like breaking up in high school. Real assets are in play. Breaking a marriage covenant has legal and financial consequences. Like so … Continue reading “Cheaters Exploiting Your Weakness”
On leaving open the door to “Romantic Fantasy Land”
“This is the way of an adulterous woman: She eats and wipes her mouth and says, ‘I’ve done nothing wrong.’” -Proverbs 30:20, NIV It is pointless to engage in “reconciliation” efforts while a partner continues cheating. You are wasting time and treasure. The worst piece of advice I got was to take my focus off … Continue reading “On leaving open the door to “Romantic Fantasy Land””
Healing DOES come!
Today, I received a simple junk-mail in my inbox. It was forwarded to me from my ex-wife. In the past, such an email would have triggered a “flight” response in my body as I felt my chest-tighten in panic. It didn’t elicit that sort of response in me this time. This tells me something: Healing … Continue reading “Healing DOES come!”
Dear DM, I need your advice.
Dear DM, I need your advice. My wife has committed adultery several times in our marriage and I reconciled over and over again. Two of my ex wife’s lovers were my sons friend fathers and two more were my sons wrestling coach’s. After he discovered his second wrestling coach, he cut off contact with his … Continue reading “Dear DM, I need your advice.”
Encountering any foolish “friends?”
Fools have no interest in understanding; they only want to air their own opinions. -Proverbs 18:2, NLT In my season of suffering, I found some people simply do not want to hear my pain. They didn’t want to understand. These people were set in their beliefs about divorce. They were happy to share their judgment … Continue reading “Encountering any foolish “friends?””
Contempt signals, “It’s over!”
When a wicked man comes, contempt also comes,And with dishonor comes scorn. -Proverbs 18:3, NASB When a cheater shows contempt for you, it is time to leave the relationship. I am talking more than simply the act of cheating–which is truly an act of contempt. Rather, I am talking about interactions with the cheater where they express … Continue reading “Contempt signals, “It’s over!””
Lectured by a cheater
The man said, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.” -Genesis 3:12, NIV Ever notice how quick the cheater is to talk about what “you owe” them?! The last thing they want to do is face the mirror and see their own shortcomings. In … Continue reading “Lectured by a cheater”