“I hope you are finding healing…” -Authority figure (responding to faithful spouse’s vulnerable sharing) It happened again for me today. However, I think I am getting better at spotting it faster: THE HOOK– For me, it is the unwanted identity of being “damaged goods” as particularly coming from an authority figure of some sort in … Continue reading ““Damaged Goods” Shaming”
Category: Trauma of adultery
Cheater-Speak: “I protected YOUR reputation with our friends.”
“I protected YOUR reputation with our friends,” says Cheater. The assumption here is the faithful spouse will lie for the cheater in order to make them look good to their mutual friends. I say lie because telling these friends a different reason than the infidelity being behind the divorce (or severe marriage struggles) is a … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “I protected YOUR reputation with our friends.””
Towards fixing Protestantism’s failings on forgiveness and supporting adultery victims
So they sat down with him upon the ground seven days and seven nights, and none spake a word unto him: for they saw that his grief was very great. -Job 2:13, KJV Protestantism is big on sin and forgiveness. Emphasis on sin and forgiveness is pervasive through evangelical teaching and preaching. That is … Continue reading “Towards fixing Protestantism’s failings on forgiveness and supporting adultery victims”
Extreme Fidelity
The common counsel about rebuilding infidelity ravaged marriages is to look to unmet needs. This is hogwash! Just consider all the “unmet” needs of spouses over generations. If “unmet needs” is what causes infidelity, then all those marriages ought have been infidelity riddled…but they weren’t. The Bible is crystal clear that sin arises out of … Continue reading “Extreme Fidelity”
“Starter Marriage” Craziness
Yet you say, “For what reason?”Because the Lord has been witnessBetween you and the wife of your youth,With whom you have dealt treacherously;Yet she is your companionAnd your wife by covenant. Malachi 2:14, NKJV One of the many awful ideas spouted in my first marriage’s demise was the suggestion it was a “starter marriage.” For those unfamiliar with … Continue reading ““Starter Marriage” Craziness”
My God gets angry!
In my distress I called upon the Lord, And cried out to my God; He heard my voice from His temple, And my cry came before Him, even to His ears. Then the earth shook and trembled; The foundations of the hills also quaked and were shaken, Because He was angry. -Psalm 18:6-7, NKJV My God gets … Continue reading “My God gets angry!”
Souls endure, not marriages
For in the resurrection they neither marry, nor are given in marriage, but are as the angels of God in heaven. -Matthew 22:30, KJV This verse is very clear. Jesus tells us human marriage does not endure in heaven. Since this is true, spiritual counsel ought to take this into account. The priority ought to … Continue reading “Souls endure, not marriages”
Psychopaths do exist. Wise Christians face this truth.
Christians can be incredibly naive. They want to live in a world where people have adaptive feeling of shame and guilt over wrong-doing. However, not everyone has those buttons. A wise pastor faces this difficult reality: Psychopaths do exist! Part of facing that reality is learning to recognize when one is being “played” by these … Continue reading “Psychopaths do exist. Wise Christians face this truth.”
Anchoring our hearts on truth
Sometimes cheaters will push us off our balance with their confident lies. The antidote to lies is truth. Our journey to healthy spirituality is a journey of growing deeper in our understanding of truth. Truth is reality. Cheaters deal in fiction and lies. Some have been dealing in such worlds so long that they have … Continue reading “Anchoring our hearts on truth”
DM, Why do they still support the cheater?
Dear Divorce Minister, I was married to a minister for 21 years. I knew after a year of marriage that my marriage was over as he was cheating on me with a high school student. When I confronted him, the narcissistic abuse began and continued until he asked for a divorce after he got caught … Continue reading “DM, Why do they still support the cheater?”