Book Review (Part I): One More Try: What to do when your marriage is falling apart by Gary Chapman My blood started to boil as I read this book from a major evangelical leader trying to “help” spouses dealing with infidelity in their marriages. It was like reading a playbook as to what exactly NOT to do … Continue reading “Book Review (Part I): Gary Chapman’s ONE MORE TRY”
Category: Trauma of adultery
PSA: Leaving for another…
Public Service Announcement: Just because a specific third party was not present at the time of the abandonment does NOT necessarily mean the cheater left for reasons other than to cheat! Some people lack capacity for monogamy. They lack the required character it takes to keep their solemn vows to God and their spouse. I … Continue reading “PSA: Leaving for another…”
A time for divorce, too.
For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. – Ecclesiastes 3:1, NLT Do we really believe this Bible verse? If we do, I suggest “everything” includes a time for divorce. Sometimes the season suggests to the wise that divorce is the proper course of action. In particular, I believe this … Continue reading “A time for divorce, too.”
Time Is NOT Needed
When a cheater plays for more time to decided whether or not to stop cheating, they have already decided. (And that is a decision against the marriage, by the way.) You do not owe them that time! In fact, giving them that time is reinforcing the belief that they are entitled to such time and … Continue reading “Time Is NOT Needed”
Sermon: ‘Twas A Merry Mess!
Today, I decided to take my own advice and took the opportunity to fight divorce prejudice from the pulpit I serve. You see, I “just happened” to get Matthew 1:18-25 as one of my texts for my scheduled Sunday–i.e. Fourth Advent Sunday. So, I took the opportunity to fight divorce prejudice by pointing out that … Continue reading “Sermon: ‘Twas A Merry Mess!”
Christians As Easy Targets For Narcissists
This morning I woke up to an email from Chump Lady. She sent me an insightful comment made on her blog post “Quit Waiting for an Apology.“ Here is what Nyra, who left the comment, wrote: Christians are easy targets for narcissistic people to manipulate & gaslight: Christians are to forgive someone 70×70 times therefore… … Continue reading “Christians As Easy Targets For Narcissists”
Narrative Control As Abuse
Cheaters often are very insistent about controlling the narrative on what happened to end the marriage. Some think that they are entitled to avoid the natural consequences that come with doing something very, very bad. You know, the sort of consequences that people tend to trust and esteem you less knowing how you treacherously betrayed your (former) … Continue reading “Narrative Control As Abuse”
Divorcing a cheater and social media
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.” -Isaiah 43:18, NIV Divorcing and–to a lesser degree–breaking up in general with a cheater is made more difficult during this age of electronic connection. We are all just more connected than we ever were through the blessing and curse known as social media. Within a … Continue reading “Divorcing a cheater and social media”
Comments On Your Healing
I can tell that you are still healing. -Faithful Spouse “Observer” Statements like this bother me. They are judgments. I am being judged when someone says this. Someone is looking at me, and giving me their assessment of my healing process–usually without invitation. Such judgments often times put me on the defensive. I feel like I have … Continue reading “Comments On Your Healing”
Master Manipulation
Test all things; hold fast what is good. -I Thessalonians 5:21, NKJV A master manipulator knows how to take a potential weakness and work it into a strength. They know how to leverage a situation. Cheaters are master manipulators, IMO. The speed at which a cheater can turn a confession of infidelity into a discussion … Continue reading “Master Manipulation”