14 “But suppose this son has a son who sees all the sins his father commits, and though he sees them, he does not do such things: 15 “He does not eat at the mountain shrines or look to the idols of Israel. He does not defile his neighbor’s wife. … He will not die for his father’s … Continue reading “So unseen!”
Category: Trauma of adultery
Yes, it is what it looks like…
Yes, it is what it looks like… and it is probably much worse. This is the reality of catching your Cheater. You might try to discount what your eyes are seeing. People around you might even discourage you from facing the ugly reality. Yes, they did cheat. Hidden texts and phone calls in the middle … Continue reading “Yes, it is what it looks like…”
Once gaslit…
When you’ve been gaslighted once, you can develop a sense for when someone tries to do it, again. Sadly, Cheaters and their supporters are not the only people who engage in gaslighting–i.e. practice of trying to convince you to disregard and distrust your own senses. Politicians and church leaders sadly do this as well. A … Continue reading “Once gaslit…”
The pain WILL pass!
My tears have been my food day and night, while people say to me all day long, “Where is your God?” -Psalm 42:3, NIV The pain will pass. I know this is cold comfort in the middle of your pain. It is hard to think of a new world without your spouse and losing everything that … Continue reading “The pain WILL pass!”
Restitution reveals real sorry
Meanwhile, Zacchaeus stood before the Lord and said, “I will give half my wealth to the poor, Lord, and if I have cheated people on their taxes, I will give them back four times as much!” -Luke 19:8, NLT Sorry is a beginning. A true, real sorry is one backed by actions demonstrating an effort … Continue reading “Restitution reveals real sorry”
Effort Involved
She hides and waits like a robber, eager to make more men unfaithful. -Proverbs 23:28, NLT For those inclined to believe a cheater is a victim of his or her circumstances, it is worth noting the effort necessary to cover up the infidelity. In fact, I think the aftermath of the cheating is actually the … Continue reading “Effort Involved”
Cheater labels you “the problem”
When a cheater is done with their spouse, they will treat the spouse as “The Problem.” This is a dangerous time for the faithful spouse because this is when they experience the full contempt of the cheater. Sadly, many pastors and other counselors egg the cheater to say more contemptuous things about the faithful spouse … Continue reading “Cheater labels you “the problem””
World Blown Apart
World Blown Apart Discovering marital infidelity is a discovery that blows apart one’s world. It upends the assumptions of safety one oriented life around. No longer can you trust your most intimate partner for anything. They have harmed you in deep ways that only they could. Such a betrayal! It is disorienting. What is my … Continue reading “World Blown Apart”
Nothing to do with our marriage problems?
“He has nothing to do with our marriage problems. You know that!” -Caught Cheater If your cheater is responding with some version of this, your marriage is over. The cheater is refusing to face the fact that adultery is truly a MAJOR marriage problem. You have nothing to work with here. The cheater is firmly … Continue reading “Nothing to do with our marriage problems?”
Silence is not the same thing as forgiveness
“For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed.” – John 3:20, NKJV Silence about infidelity is the same thing as avoiding the light. It says the person does not what his or her wicked deeds exposed. They have not truly embraced repentance and … Continue reading “Silence is not the same thing as forgiveness”