“Talking about that triggers my toxic shame. So, let’s talk about something else,” says Cheater. Anguish over the awful things they did may very well be real. And they need to go through it to heal the matter, NOT avoid it. Honestly, Cheaters talking about toxic shame are often using it as excuse to avoid … Continue reading ““Talking about that triggers my toxic shame.””
Category: Trauma of adultery
Actions Over Words
They say they’re sorry…. …but refuse to cut off contact with their affair partner. I am sorry to tell you that they are NOT truly sorry. Their actions betray the truth. They are sorry that they were caught! They say they want an open and honest relationship… …yet they continue to lie to you and … Continue reading “Actions Over Words”
“You MUST have known!”
“You MUST have known about her cheating,” says anxious outsider. “No way you didn’t have an idea that she was cheating,” says another anxious outsider. Whether or not you had suspicions (or even knew of the cheating) is not the same as giving them permission to cheat. Let’s be honest: Anxious people saying such things … Continue reading ““You MUST have known!””
Wait to date
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven…. -Ecclesiastes 3:1, KJV So, you decided to divorce your cheater. However, you are still married. Please do not date during this limbo period. You will have plenty of time to do this after the divorce is finalized. This is a good … Continue reading “Wait to date”
Worried About Forever Holding It Over Their Heads
“I’m concerned that you will hold this [affair] over my head forever if I stay,” Cheater declares. A cheater who makes such a statement is still more concerned about themselves than the trauma they inflicted on their spouse by cheating. The statement really is revealing. Such a cheater still believes it is about their wishes … Continue reading “Worried About Forever Holding It Over Their Heads”
Issues Applying “Failed Marriage” Label
“Failed Marriage” label implies agency lacking in divorces from Cheaters. Who failed at marriage was the Cheater, not the faithful spouse. This is why I particularly despise this label. It suggests equal responsibility for the ending of a marriage. “Failed Marriage” obscures the violence done to our marriages by our Cheater. It is “polite” way … Continue reading “Issues Applying “Failed Marriage” Label”
Evil Ending
If a man is discovered committing adultery, both he and the woman must die. In this way, you will purge Israel of such evil. -Deuteronomy 22:22, NLT Cheaters sometimes choose adultery as a way to totally blow up their marriage on the way to abandon their spouse via the divorce discard. In my opinion, … Continue reading “Evil Ending”
Permission to bash
“Rebuke your mother, rebuke her, for she is not my wife, and I am not her husband. Let her remove the adulterous look from her face and the unfaithfulness from between her breasts.” -Hosea 2:2, NIV Cheaters may admit to cheating only to get “permission” to bash and blame their partner. They are counting on the counselor, … Continue reading “Permission to bash”
So unseen!
14 “But suppose this son has a son who sees all the sins his father commits, and though he sees them, he does not do such things: 15 “He does not eat at the mountain shrines or look to the idols of Israel. He does not defile his neighbor’s wife. … He will not die for his father’s … Continue reading “So unseen!”
Yes, it is what it looks like…
Yes, it is what it looks like… and it is probably much worse. This is the reality of catching your Cheater. You might try to discount what your eyes are seeing. People around you might even discourage you from facing the ugly reality. Yes, they did cheat. Hidden texts and phone calls in the middle … Continue reading “Yes, it is what it looks like…”