“You shall not commit adultery.” -Exodus 20:14, NIV Displaced Pain I suspect many of our Cheaters are dealing with some sort of pain in their lives. They may use their pain as excuse to engage in destructive behaviors of all sorts. Sadly, faithful spouses are impacted by their poor copping mechanisms. Just because your Cheater … Continue reading “Displaced Pain”
Category: Trauma of adultery
Facing difficult truths
Discovering your spouse was unfaithful is an earth-shaking experience! When this happened, the faithful spouse who can come to terms with reality will be able to navigate this awful experience with some safety and sanity. They will save themselves some unnecessary suffering, in other words. Here are some important things to come to terms with: … Continue reading “Facing difficult truths”
Common “Christian” Manipulations
The Lord blessed the latter part of Job’s life more than the former part. -Job 42:12a, NIV Christians are terrible as far as how they attempt to manipulate faithful spouses into staying married to unrepentant cheaters. I can think of several spiritually abusive moves that faithful spouses endure in various Christian communities who take a dim or … Continue reading “Common “Christian” Manipulations”
Resource regarding “forgiveness”
Yesterday, I came across an interesting article about forgiveness and trauma care from a mental health provider, Anastasia Pollock, LCMHC. It is entitled: “Why I Don’t Use the Word ‘Forgiveness’ in Trauma Therapy” Pollock writes, As soon as I say, “You don’t have to forgive,” the person usually breathes a sigh of relief. Once we … Continue reading “Resource regarding “forgiveness””
Attention Addiction
“This is the way of an adulterous woman: She eats and wipes her mouth and says, ‘I’ve done nothing wrong.’” -Proverbs 30:20, NIV I am convinced some cheaters are just addicted to the sexual or romantic attention of others. They love the high of being pursued. This is why the typical Christian advice of pursuing … Continue reading “Attention Addiction”
Adultery as an escape
An adulterous woman consumes a man, then wipes her mouth and says, “What’s wrong with that?” -Proverbs 30:20, NLT Some Cheaters “escape” the mundane issues of their lives into a fantasy world with their affair partner(s). You can never compete with this as the adulterous relationship is based on a fantasy–and not the reality of … Continue reading “Adultery as an escape”
A certain pastoral stance
And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah feared not, but went and played the harlot also. -Jeremiah 3:8, KJV Issues With “For the Marriage” Pastoral Stance Sometimes, pastors, you cannot both be … Continue reading “A certain pastoral stance”
Believe truth!
For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires. -Hebrews 4:12, NLT Do not get your beliefs from your cheater! They are liars. Plus, their lies are designed for their own … Continue reading “Believe truth!”
Marriage ending decision
“If a man is discovered committing adultery, both he and the woman must die. In this way, you will purge Israel of such evil.” -Deuteronomy 22:22, NLT Sometimes the most loving thing we can do is accept the decisions of others and allow them to experience the consequences of those decisions. According to Scripture, adultery … Continue reading “Marriage ending decision”
Simple Commandment
Thou shalt not commit adultery. -Exodus 20:14, KJV I wonder how this simple and clear commandment has become second fiddle to couples’ counseling “wisdom” for so many pastors. So much time goes into the “why” of the cheating and little time is spent on pointing out the willful nature of the sin. In other words, … Continue reading “Simple Commandment”