“I forgive you.” Are these words always a good thing to hear? Are they always spoken as an expression of virtue or can they conceal venom? When you are dealing with a spiritually abusive individual, these are words they may use to continue the abuse. They are hijacking the concept of “forgiveness” to put you … Continue reading ““I forgive you.””
Category: Cheating
Why bother to blame?
“For I, the LORD, love justice. I hate robbery and wrongdoing. I will faithfully reward my people for their suffering and make an everlasting covenant with them.” -Isaiah 61:8, NLT When I was going through my ecclesiastical trial to keep my ministerial credentials, someone I trusted asked me why my former denomination was so fixated … Continue reading “Why bother to blame?”
Reverse victim “games” of cheaters
What is amazing is how cheaters can play the victim while they are actively abusing their own spouse via lying and cheating. The faithful spouse might spend a whole series of counseling sessions with a pastor and their cheater never knowing about the infidelity. These meetings turn into faithful spouse basing sessions. It is sick. … Continue reading “Reverse victim “games” of cheaters”
Divorce needs to be a real option!
And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah feared not, but went and played the harlot also. -Jeremiah 3:8, KJV Oddly, pastors and Christian counselors have been known to make the faithful spouse … Continue reading “Divorce needs to be a real option!”
“Bad Christian” Sure…
“You’re a ‘bad Christian’ for not doing ….” -Cheater This shaming label used to make me jump to do my ex and others’ bidding. I did not want to be seen as a “bad Christian.” Then I wised up to the source. I stopped seeking that source’s approval and validation. Is an unrepentant adulteress really … Continue reading ““Bad Christian” Sure…”
A mismatch
Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? -2 Corinthians 6:14, KJV Whether one is abandoned or cheated on or both, the reality for faithful spouses is as stark as this verse from 2 Corinthians paints it. Light cannot fellowship with … Continue reading “A mismatch”
Practical Minimization: Focusing on Faithful Spouse “Faults”
Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye. -Matthew 7:5, KJV When pastors and counselors focus on the faithful spouse’s “faults,” they are minimizing the cheating and the seriousness of this sin. This is why … Continue reading “Practical Minimization: Focusing on Faithful Spouse “Faults””
NOT “friends” with ex and that is fine
How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? -2 Corinthians 6:14b, NLT Some Christians expect faithful spouses to remain “friends” with their cheating ex-partner following divorce. This is insane! The expectation is wound up in a twisted and perverted understanding of what forgiveness demands in this situation. Guess what? … Continue reading “NOT “friends” with ex and that is fine”
DM, How do I get past this?
Hello, Do you have any teachings on when the ex spouse who cheated marries the affair partner and then they start going to church and never repented or tried making amends to the spouse and children left behind. I’m struggling immensely trying to process how the ex and affair partner all the friends and the … Continue reading “DM, How do I get past this?”
“That’s not a friend.”
“That’s not a friend,” says Father Terry. My divorce was fresh. Maybe I was still in the separation period. I am not sure. What I remember is talking with a colleague and mentor, Father Terry, who shared some simply but profound wisdom. After telling him about a “friend” who had essentially called me a deadbeat … Continue reading ““That’s not a friend.””