Is every criticism worth consuming? Do we always learn something about ourselves from a criticism? Short answer: No. If someone knows you tend to always “consume” or take to heart a criticism, this gives that individual incredible power over you. They are able to control you via their criticism. This is unhealthy and ungodly. Fearing … Continue reading “Pro-Tip: On Consuming Criticism”
Category: Cheating
Cheater-Speak: “It’s not like I was trying to cheat on you.”
“It’s not like I was trying to cheat on you. It just sort of happened.” -Cheater A cheater speaking like this is an unrepentant cheater. How do I know? Well, repentance starts with the honesty of owning one’s own choices and behavior. The cheater speaking like this is not being honest on those fronts. To this … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “It’s not like I was trying to cheat on you.””
Denigrating sharing by cheaters
“She was being unfair. Jane knew just what a good soldier her husband was, but a woman who has deserted her man and stolen his fortune soon learns to denigrate his memory as a justification for her actions.” -Bernarnd Cornwell, Waterloo (#11) (Sharpe Book 20), New York, New York: Penguin Books, 1987, pp65. The above … Continue reading “Denigrating sharing by cheaters”
If it is about power over…
But Jesus called them together and said, “You know that the rulers in this world lord it over their people, and officials flaunt their authority over those under them.” -Matthew 20:25, NLT “You will just keep that [her cheating] over her head forever [if she stayed married to you].” -Cheater apologist Some people view all relationships … Continue reading “If it is about power over…”
Grown toddler tantrums
Did you ever feel like the big, bad parent with your cheater? I think sometimes some engage in cheating behavior as a way to try and resolve family issues (non-therapist speaking here). They did not feel safe to do that with their mother or father. So, the faithful spouse gets all their rebellion in its … Continue reading “Grown toddler tantrums”
Learning to like oneself.
How could I have missed that?! I do not know if you can relate to asking this question of yourself. However, I think the fractured relationship with oneself is a relationship almost always needing attention. Part of the devastation of discovering a cheating spouse is discovering the deception was ongoing for a long period of time, … Continue reading “Learning to like oneself.”
A problem not for a spouse to solve
21 Under three things the earth quakes, And under four, it cannot bear up: … 23 Under an unloved woman when she gets a husband, And a maidservant when she supplants her mistress. -Proverbs 30:21, 23, NASB (emphasis mine) I can still picture the moment… We had just moved into our first home we bought together, and … Continue reading “A problem not for a spouse to solve”
Recognize the “tip” of the “Cheating Iceberg”
When dealing with a cheater who has lived a double life for months (or years), you likely only know a small part of the deception and infidelity. They have been at this deception for a while. What you know now is a fractured partial of the story, and they have demonstrated an unwillingness to clue … Continue reading “Recognize the “tip” of the “Cheating Iceberg””
A decade of changes
A decade ago, I was about to depart to cross half the country for my residency in Chaplaincy. I had just discovered the Other Man who had been part of the picture for months prior to my knowledge. The summer of 2012 was a highly unpleasant summer for me. It felt hopeless, honestly. My marriage … Continue reading “A decade of changes”
Do not feed Cheater contempt!
Here is the deceptive way of the adulterous woman: she takes what she wants and then says, “I’ve done nothing wrong.” -Proverbs 30:20, TPT While I believe we can all learn from our mistakes and sins in a relationship, I caution against the counsel to own our marriage sins with a cheater in active infidelity. … Continue reading “Do not feed Cheater contempt!”