“I would forgive anything including cheating,” says Faithful Spouse. “But you would just hold that over me forever,” replies Cheater. Because the church has taught a distorted version of forgiveness, Cheaters feel entitled to forgiveness. They assume a Christian spouse will have to forgive them. The church has failed to teach the place of repentance when … Continue reading ““But you would hold that over my head forever,” says Cheater.”
Category: Cheating
Cheater-Speak: “I can’t pretend anymore.”
“I can’t pretend anymore,” says Cheater. The irony of this statement is almost funny if it was not so tragic and painful. A cheater saying such a thing is just spouting a lie. They do not have a problem with pretending: Cheating requires pretending one is not married, after all. The whole point of a … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “I can’t pretend anymore.””
Failures in counseling
You, however, smear me with lies; you are worthless physicians, all of you! -Job 13:4, NIV One of the more infuriating things about looking back on my first marriage’s demise is how awful the counselors were! These were professionals who were worse than worthless. They enabled an entitlement mentality by my cheater and aided in her … Continue reading “Failures in counseling”
Grief ambushes. It is what it does.
I am worn out from my groaning. All night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears. -Psalm 6:6, NIV Yesterday, grief surprised me. This wasn’t grief over my first marriage. It was grief over a lost mentor and true friend. He died in a car accident last year. I … Continue reading “Grief ambushes. It is what it does.”
Willful Choosers of Evil
“You snakes! You brood of vipers! How will you escape being condemned to hell?” -Matthew 23:33, NIV Before my divorce, I did not truly believe in the existence of such a “brood of vipers” as Jesus calls some religious leaders. Theoretically, I understood some people were or are awful. Of course, I understood that Hitler … Continue reading “Willful Choosers of Evil”
No good out of the “what if’s”
“What if what the cheater is saying about me is true?!” -frets the faithful spouse This is a destructive “What if?” Faithful spouses stuck in this “What if?” are in real danger of spiritual and emotional destruction. They are allowing the daggers of cheater lies dig deeper into their heart. My encouragement is to remember … Continue reading “No good out of the “what if’s””
Hubris of trying to fix her
Under three things the earth quakes, And under four, it cannot endure: …Under an unloved woman when she gets a husband… -Proverbs 30:21, 23a, NASB I wonder how many of us, faithful spouses, had a spouse who confessed to feeling like they were unlovable. If you were like me, you took that as a challenge … Continue reading “Hubris of trying to fix her”
False Accusation of Faithful Spouse
Cheaters sometimes accuse faithful spouses of their own (hidden) behavior. A common one I have heard is the cheater accusing the faithful spouse of cheating! This happens while they are actually the ones cheating. It is crazy! As this post suggests, a cheater might accuse the faithful spouse of duping their family and close friends while … Continue reading “False Accusation of Faithful Spouse”
Preaching “Thou Shalt Not Divorce” as if part of Ten Commandments!
Thou shalt not commit adultery. -Exodus 20:14, KJV A pet peeve of mine these days is hearing fellow pastors condemn divorce from the pulpit. It might come in the form of a lament of people going “the easy way.” Some might be bold enough to call out divorce as “evil.” The odd thing is they … Continue reading “Preaching “Thou Shalt Not Divorce” as if part of Ten Commandments!”
Yes, the cheater probably has a messed up past…
Yes, Family of Origin (FOO) issues probably need work in the cheater, but… …those issues NEVER excuse cheating! I have little doubt most cheaters have skeletons in their family closets. They likely have secrets and traumas left unaddressed. None of those are excuses for cheating. Being sinned against does not give us permission to sin. … Continue reading “Yes, the cheater probably has a messed up past…”