Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. – 2 Cor. 7:10, NIV When you see the fruit of advice destroying someone or yourself, you are seeing something bringing death as this verse tells us. This is not from God. God is not one who came … Continue reading “On “godly sorrow””
Category: Cheating
Wanting to rehash the marriage
Some cheaters will come back around and attempt to reconnect with their faithful partner after the divorce. They may want to rehash what happened in the marriage. This is just a recipe for abuse for the faithful partner. Do NOT take the bait! A repentant cheater would put action to their sorry. They wouldn’t try … Continue reading “Wanting to rehash the marriage”
“But you would hold that over my head forever,” says Cheater.
“I would forgive anything including cheating,” says Faithful Spouse. “But you would just hold that over me forever,” replies Cheater. Because the church has taught a distorted version of forgiveness, Cheaters feel entitled to forgiveness. They assume a Christian spouse will have to forgive them. The church has failed to teach the place of repentance when … Continue reading ““But you would hold that over my head forever,” says Cheater.”
Cheater-Speak: “I can’t pretend anymore.”
“I can’t pretend anymore,” says Cheater. The irony of this statement is almost funny if it was not so tragic and painful. A cheater saying such a thing is just spouting a lie. They do not have a problem with pretending: Cheating requires pretending one is not married, after all. The whole point of a … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “I can’t pretend anymore.””
Failures in counseling
You, however, smear me with lies; you are worthless physicians, all of you! -Job 13:4, NIV One of the more infuriating things about looking back on my first marriage’s demise is how awful the counselors were! These were professionals who were worse than worthless. They enabled an entitlement mentality by my cheater and aided in her … Continue reading “Failures in counseling”
Grief ambushes. It is what it does.
I am worn out from my groaning. All night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears. -Psalm 6:6, NIV Yesterday, grief surprised me. This wasn’t grief over my first marriage. It was grief over a lost mentor and true friend. He died in a car accident last year. I … Continue reading “Grief ambushes. It is what it does.”
Willful Choosers of Evil
“You snakes! You brood of vipers! How will you escape being condemned to hell?” -Matthew 23:33, NIV Before my divorce, I did not truly believe in the existence of such a “brood of vipers” as Jesus calls some religious leaders. Theoretically, I understood some people were or are awful. Of course, I understood that Hitler … Continue reading “Willful Choosers of Evil”
No good out of the “what if’s”
“What if what the cheater is saying about me is true?!” -frets the faithful spouse This is a destructive “What if?” Faithful spouses stuck in this “What if?” are in real danger of spiritual and emotional destruction. They are allowing the daggers of cheater lies dig deeper into their heart. My encouragement is to remember … Continue reading “No good out of the “what if’s””
Hubris of trying to fix her
Under three things the earth quakes, And under four, it cannot endure: …Under an unloved woman when she gets a husband… -Proverbs 30:21, 23a, NASB I wonder how many of us, faithful spouses, had a spouse who confessed to feeling like they were unlovable. If you were like me, you took that as a challenge … Continue reading “Hubris of trying to fix her”
False Accusation of Faithful Spouse
Cheaters sometimes accuse faithful spouses of their own (hidden) behavior. A common one I have heard is the cheater accusing the faithful spouse of cheating! This happens while they are actually the ones cheating. It is crazy! As this post suggests, a cheater might accuse the faithful spouse of duping their family and close friends while … Continue reading “False Accusation of Faithful Spouse”