Book Review (Part I): One More Try: What to do when your marriage is falling apart by Gary Chapman My blood started to boil as I read this book from a major evangelical leader trying to “help” spouses dealing with infidelity in their marriages. It was like reading a playbook as to what exactly NOT to do … Continue reading “Book Review (Part I): Gary Chapman’s ONE MORE TRY”
Category: Emotional Affair
PSA: Leaving for another…
Public Service Announcement: Just because a specific third party was not present at the time of the abandonment does NOT necessarily mean the cheater left for reasons other than to cheat! Some people lack capacity for monogamy. They lack the required character it takes to keep their solemn vows to God and their spouse. I … Continue reading “PSA: Leaving for another…”
A time for divorce, too.
For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. – Ecclesiastes 3:1, NLT Do we really believe this Bible verse? If we do, I suggest “everything” includes a time for divorce. Sometimes the season suggests to the wise that divorce is the proper course of action. In particular, I believe this … Continue reading “A time for divorce, too.”
Time Is NOT Needed
When a cheater plays for more time to decided whether or not to stop cheating, they have already decided. (And that is a decision against the marriage, by the way.) You do not owe them that time! In fact, giving them that time is reinforcing the belief that they are entitled to such time and … Continue reading “Time Is NOT Needed”
Over the line
Have you ever done a “mind map?” As I remember them from grade school, this is a brainstorming tool where one has a main idea in a bubble then related ideas connected to that bubble to form a web like picture. I know of a situation involving a cheater who utilized this tool to figure … Continue reading “Over the line”
Christians As Easy Targets For Narcissists
This morning I woke up to an email from Chump Lady. She sent me an insightful comment made on her blog post “Quit Waiting for an Apology.“ Here is what Nyra, who left the comment, wrote: Christians are easy targets for narcissistic people to manipulate & gaslight: Christians are to forgive someone 70×70 times therefore… … Continue reading “Christians As Easy Targets For Narcissists”
Narrative Control As Abuse
Cheaters often are very insistent about controlling the narrative on what happened to end the marriage. Some think that they are entitled to avoid the natural consequences that come with doing something very, very bad. You know, the sort of consequences that people tend to trust and esteem you less knowing how you treacherously betrayed your (former) … Continue reading “Narrative Control As Abuse”
Master Manipulation
Test all things; hold fast what is good. -I Thessalonians 5:21, NKJV A master manipulator knows how to take a potential weakness and work it into a strength. They know how to leverage a situation. Cheaters are master manipulators, IMO. The speed at which a cheater can turn a confession of infidelity into a discussion … Continue reading “Master Manipulation”
Calculated Craziness
But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. -Romans 5:8, NLT Am I getting a good deal in this marriage? This sort of thinking is a hallmark of a cheater, IMO. It leads to all sorts of “justifying” and nefarious behavior. The score … Continue reading “Calculated Craziness”
Mailbag: Lost Permission to Divorce Biblically?
Hello! I am SO grateful for your blog, as I am yet another infidelity victim being treated horribly by church leaders. The latest is that they’ve taken the position that I’ve lost my right to divorce my husband, for a variety of reasons. I “took too long” to decide (a year+…after a HORRIBLE case of … Continue reading “Mailbag: Lost Permission to Divorce Biblically?”