“But she looked so miserable. You must have been doing or not doing something to make her so.” -Cheater Apologist What if–and this is apparently a radical idea–we treat wives and husbands as independently responsible for care-taking their own emotional lives. I have no doubt some cheaters are truly miserable as their marriages come to … Continue reading ““But she looked so miserable.””
Category: Emotional Affair
PSA: Sorry Caught Cheaters
Public Service Announcement: Cheaters who only say sorry for what you caught them doing are really only sorry that they got caught. Some cheaters have so much contempt for us, faithful spouses, that they will ask for our information and sources in order to only confess up to the exact point of exposure to us. … Continue reading “PSA: Sorry Caught Cheaters”
Mailbag: What does learning to embrace one’s quirkiness mean?
Dear DM, When you say you had to learn to love yourself quirkiness, introvertness and all – do you mean that you struggled with blaming yourself for your ex’s rejection? I’m 5 years out and have definitely been blessed by God since the divorce. I still have this anxiety about it having been my fault … Continue reading “Mailbag: What does learning to embrace one’s quirkiness mean?”
Cheater-Speak: “I thought you would get angry.” Continued…
“I thought you would get angry. That is why I didn’t tell you.” -Cheater (on why she lied) to faithful spouse This sort of statement is red meat to therapists and pastors who see their roles as rescuers. They hear something like this, and immediately jump to rescue the (cheating) “damsel in distress.” They are … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “I thought you would get angry.” Continued…”
Cheater-Speak: “I was afraid you would get angry.”
“I was afraid you would get angry. That is why I did not tell you [I was cheating on you].” -Cheater Isn’t it amazing how a cheater can make their own lies your fault? Now, we know their lies are their lies. However, cheaters are adept at shifting blame. This sort of mind trick was noted on … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “I was afraid you would get angry.””
Just looking for an excuse to divorce? Really?!
Some Pharisees came and tried to trap him with this question: “Should a man be allowed to divorce his wife for just any reason?” -Mathew 19:3, NLT Are faithful spouses just looking for an excuse to divorce? Pastors, do you really think this? I am astounded that some pastors and Christian leaders believe faithful spouses … Continue reading “Just looking for an excuse to divorce? Really?!”
But God Stayed Married to Cheating Israel…
“I will punish her for all those times when she … went out to look for her lovers but forgot all about me,” says the Lord. “But then I will win her back once again.” -Hosea 2:13a,c, 14a, NIV But God stays married to us even though we are unfaithful to Him. Repeat after me: Hosea is … Continue reading “But God Stayed Married to Cheating Israel…”
“You must not have been meeting his needs.”
“You must not have been meeting his needs.” -Cheater Apologist A version of this statement could also be said to men who discovered their cheating wives. It is victim blaming, pure and simple. The speaker often forgets that two people were not getting their “needs” met if one was not. Yet both did not respond … Continue reading ““You must not have been meeting his needs.””
God On Breaking Up Homes Following Adultery
The Idolatry of “Intact” Homes If a man is found sleeping with another man’s wife, both the man who slept with her and the woman must die. You must purge the evil from Israel. -Deuteronomy 22:22, NIV God did not prioritize keeping the marriage together over dealing with the evil of adultery in the Old … Continue reading “God On Breaking Up Homes Following Adultery”
Dear DM, What does restitution look like in my situation?
Dear Divorce Minister, My wife committed adultery 16 years ago. I forgave and renew my vows on tremendously incomplete information. She recently confessed to the entirety of the adultery after we have had 3 wonderful children. I can say with out hesitation I would have not continued in the marriage if I would have known … Continue reading “Dear DM, What does restitution look like in my situation?”