“I’m concerned that you will hold this [affair] over my head forever if I stay,” Cheater declares. A cheater who makes such a statement is still more concerned about themselves than the trauma they inflicted on their spouse by cheating. The statement really is revealing. Such a cheater still believes it is about their wishes … Continue reading “Worried About Forever Holding It Over Their Heads”
Category: Emotional Affair
Issues Applying “Failed Marriage” Label
“Failed Marriage” label implies agency lacking in divorces from Cheaters. Who failed at marriage was the Cheater, not the faithful spouse. This is why I particularly despise this label. It suggests equal responsibility for the ending of a marriage. “Failed Marriage” obscures the violence done to our marriages by our Cheater. It is “polite” way … Continue reading “Issues Applying “Failed Marriage” Label”
Permission to bash
“Rebuke your mother, rebuke her, for she is not my wife, and I am not her husband. Let her remove the adulterous look from her face and the unfaithfulness from between her breasts.” -Hosea 2:2, NIV Cheaters may admit to cheating only to get “permission” to bash and blame their partner. They are counting on the counselor, … Continue reading “Permission to bash”
So unseen!
14 “But suppose this son has a son who sees all the sins his father commits, and though he sees them, he does not do such things: 15 “He does not eat at the mountain shrines or look to the idols of Israel. He does not defile his neighbor’s wife. … He will not die for his father’s … Continue reading “So unseen!”
The pain WILL pass!
My tears have been my food day and night, while people say to me all day long, “Where is your God?” -Psalm 42:3, NIV The pain will pass. I know this is cold comfort in the middle of your pain. It is hard to think of a new world without your spouse and losing everything that … Continue reading “The pain WILL pass!”
Effort Involved
She hides and waits like a robber, eager to make more men unfaithful. -Proverbs 23:28, NLT For those inclined to believe a cheater is a victim of his or her circumstances, it is worth noting the effort necessary to cover up the infidelity. In fact, I think the aftermath of the cheating is actually the … Continue reading “Effort Involved”
Cheater labels you “the problem”
When a cheater is done with their spouse, they will treat the spouse as “The Problem.” This is a dangerous time for the faithful spouse because this is when they experience the full contempt of the cheater. Sadly, many pastors and other counselors egg the cheater to say more contemptuous things about the faithful spouse … Continue reading “Cheater labels you “the problem””
World Blown Apart
World Blown Apart Discovering marital infidelity is a discovery that blows apart one’s world. It upends the assumptions of safety one oriented life around. No longer can you trust your most intimate partner for anything. They have harmed you in deep ways that only they could. Such a betrayal! It is disorienting. What is my … Continue reading “World Blown Apart”
Probably already smeared
The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. -Proverbs 12:18, NIV Probably Already Smeared When Cheaters ask you not to say anything to others about their cheating, do not be naïve about them. They probably have already smeared your name with your mutual “friends” and family. What … Continue reading “Probably already smeared”
Silence is not the same thing as forgiveness
“For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed.” – John 3:20, NKJV Silence about infidelity is the same thing as avoiding the light. It says the person does not what his or her wicked deeds exposed. They have not truly embraced repentance and … Continue reading “Silence is not the same thing as forgiveness”