Then the man said, “The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate.” -Genesis 3:12, NKJV Now, over a decade removed from the events, I shake my head as I remember what I tolerated and endured. This blog is the fruit of hard-earned lessons from that season. One of … Continue reading “Crazy Counseling – Time to find someone else!”
Category: Emotional Affair
Sometimes the wife cheats and then abandons
She [the adulteress] gives no thought to the way of life; her paths wander aimlessly, but she does not know it. -Proverbs 5:6, NIV Sometimes, the wife decides she would rather live life as a single person. What makes this especially painful for those of us left behind is how shame is compounded to this … Continue reading “Sometimes the wife cheats and then abandons”
Possible to repent? Sure. Likely? No.
As a dog returns to its vomit, so fools repeat their folly. -Proverbs 26:11, NIV Within the Christian community, so much pressure is placed upon faithful spouses to “reconcile” with their cheating partners. Sometimes lip service is given to the importance that the cheater has actually changed and will not cheat again. However, the general … Continue reading “Possible to repent? Sure. Likely? No.”
Hold fast to truth!
“Everyone on the side of truth listens to me.” -John 18:37b, NIV Truth: You did not drive your spouse to cheat (and abandon you). Truth: You do not deserve to be abused, (and cheating is abuse.) Truth: Divorcing a cheater is not sin. Truth: Divorcing an unrepentant cheater is not dooming your kids; rather, you … Continue reading “Hold fast to truth!”
The “Emotional Affair” Blameshift
“Well, I wouldn’t have cheated with her if you had paid me more attention,” says Cheater. “He listened to me. This is just a cry for help,” says Cheater. A major danger with emotional affairs is to underestimate their damage and to take them lightly. My first marriage’s ending started with a series of “emotional … Continue reading “The “Emotional Affair” Blameshift”
What are you believing?
You are in no way responsible for what was done for you but… …you ARE 100% responsible for what you believe about it! A major part of recovering from marital infidelity is recovering from believing lies about ourselves. These are lies that the cheater often seeds in our lives while they are working to discard … Continue reading “What are you believing?”
The “drug” of attention
When someone feels unlovable, I believe emotional affairs hold an especial allure. The temptation is to fill a legitimate need through sinfully illegitimate ways. A cheater takes their need to feel lovable and turns to the world to make them feel worthy of romantic pursuit. This might manifest through evenings at bars where she welcomes … Continue reading “The “drug” of attention”
Cheater-Speak: “She has nothing to do with us.”
“She (Affair Partner) has nothing to do with us,” says Cheater. Cheaters say this, and sadly, they believe it. They do not see how having an affair partner is a major problem for their marriage. In their minds, they have already believed the lie that they are entitled to this relationship. It has been–conveniently for … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “She has nothing to do with us.””
Validation before talking forgiveness
Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words. -Job 2:13, NLT Please do not underestimate how traumatic and disorienting discovering marital infidelity is! Speaking from my personal experience as well as from … Continue reading “Validation before talking forgiveness”
Complications from “theft of reality”
I do not remember precisely where I read or heard the term “theft of reality.” Most likely, I came upon it through Chump Lady or one of the many books I have read on spiritual abuse. “Theft of reality” is a term used to describe how we–faithful spouses–experience a marital narrative with serious truth–and thereby … Continue reading “Complications from “theft of reality””