Yet my friends laugh at me, for I call on God and expect an answer. I am a just and blameless man, yet they laugh at me. -Job 12:4, NLT Years removed, it is still difficult to think of old “friends” and accept the friendship is over for good. These could have been relationships developed … Continue reading “Painful loss of “friends””
Category: Grief
Validation before talking forgiveness
Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words. -Job 2:13, NLT Please do not underestimate how traumatic and disorienting discovering marital infidelity is! Speaking from my personal experience as well as from … Continue reading “Validation before talking forgiveness”
Complications from “theft of reality”
I do not remember precisely where I read or heard the term “theft of reality.” Most likely, I came upon it through Chump Lady or one of the many books I have read on spiritual abuse. “Theft of reality” is a term used to describe how we–faithful spouses–experience a marital narrative with serious truth–and thereby … Continue reading “Complications from “theft of reality””
Better days are ahead!
For the Lord your God is bringing you into a good land—a land with brooks, streams, and deep springs gushing out into the valleys and hills…. -Deuteronomy 8:7, NIV I remember the bad days. Sometimes, it was all I could do to remind myself to eat. I lost serious weight from the trauma of it all. … Continue reading “Better days are ahead!”
On “Root of Bitterness”
See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. -Hebrews 12:15, NIV In order to avoid the discomfort of facing injustice and naming it as such, some Christians turn on faithful spouses calling them “bitter.” They are too … Continue reading “On “Root of Bitterness””
God looks upon the heart – Parable of Unforgiving Servant
32 Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. 33 Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?’ -Matthew 18:32-33, NLT A big struggle with us, faithful spouse, surrounds the topic of forgiveness. … Continue reading “God looks upon the heart – Parable of Unforgiving Servant”
A good distraction
When my life was recently obliterated by the discovery of the other man plus my (now ex) wife serving me divorce papers, I took a trip to visit my best friends in New York City. It was Labor Day weekend. Now, I am not a huge NYC fan–no offense to those who love this city … Continue reading “A good distraction”
Messy openness
The lips of the wise give good advice; the heart of a fool has none to give. -Proverbs 15:7, NLT When I was desperate to stop my first marriage from ending, I made the mistake of opening myself up to too many people. It was messy. I think part of this mistake was born of … Continue reading “Messy openness”
Divorce as Morally Injurous Event
While doing my year-long residency as a chaplain at a Veterans’ Affairs Medical Center, I gained education on a relatively new area of research for professional chaplains and psychologists. Most people today are familiar with the acronym PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), but I would be surprised if many are aware of this accompanying concept–i.e. moral injury. Please … Continue reading “Divorce as Morally Injurous Event”
Yesterday would have been our 17th anniversary.
Seventeen years ago, yesterday, I married my cheater. I feel like I am a completely different person than that young man back then. It is odd viewing oneself with such a long time having passed. I do not feel so much grief as I used to on this date. It is mostly just another day … Continue reading “Yesterday would have been our 17th anniversary.”