When I was separated from my cheater, I made a list. It is humiliating looking back on it. I wrote up a list of reasons for why I wanted to stay married to her (even though, I knew she was a cheater). As you might have guessed, she responded to it with contempt. In part, … Continue reading “Made a humiliating list”
Category: Grief
Financial Reliance
One of the hardest parts of adultery discovery and divorce is how it can be financially devastating for the faithful spouse. Cheaters know this. I think some use it as another emotional cudgel with which to beat their faithful spouse. They use their financial power to terrorize their (soon to be ex) spouse. I think … Continue reading “Financial Reliance”
Grief Surprise
Recently, I was driving to a friend’s house and feeling a little sad. Initially, I could not put my finger on what was putting me in the funk. Then I realized… …it was my “trauma-versary!” A little over a decade ago, my (now) ex-wife called and confirmed my worst suspicions. She had–indeed–been sexually active with … Continue reading “Grief Surprise”
Give thanks ALWAYS!
16 Always be joyful. 17 Never stop praying. 18 Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. -I Thessalonians 5:16-18, NLT When going through infidelity discovery and divorce, it is too easy to focus on what we have lost and the injustice of it all. We start losing sight of what … Continue reading “Give thanks ALWAYS!”
Once thought we were “rock solid”
Part of my blindness in my first marriage was thinking we were rock solid as a couple. Maybe you can relate? I naively believed that cheating and divorce was something that only happened to other people. It certainly wouldn’t happen to me and my marriage. That sort of thinking is what made the whole experience … Continue reading “Once thought we were “rock solid””
Validation LONG before Forgiveness talk
Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words. -Job 2:13, NLT Please do not underestimate how traumatic and disorienting discovering marital infidelity is! Speaking from my personal experience as well as from … Continue reading “Validation LONG before Forgiveness talk”
“Root of bitterness”
See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. Hebrews 12:15, NIV In order to avoid the discomfort of facing injustice and naming it as such, some Christians turn on faithful spouses calling them “bitter.” They are too spineless to … Continue reading ““Root of bitterness””
Your best days are ahead of you!
The Lord blessed the latter part of Job’s life more than the former part. -Job 42:12a, NIV A lie the Enemy wants you to believe is that your life is over following adultery discovery and divorce. He wants you fearful that all that is left for you is awful following a divorce from a cheater. Some “Christians” … Continue reading “Your best days are ahead of you!”
Painful loss of “friends”
Yet my friends laugh at me, for I call on God and expect an answer. I am a just and blameless man, yet they laugh at me. -Job 12:4, NLT Years removed, it is still difficult to think of old “friends” and accept the friendship is over for good. These could have been relationships developed … Continue reading “Painful loss of “friends””
Validation before talking forgiveness
Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words. -Job 2:13, NLT Please do not underestimate how traumatic and disorienting discovering marital infidelity is! Speaking from my personal experience as well as from … Continue reading “Validation before talking forgiveness”