When a cheater is done with their spouse, they will treat the spouse as “The Problem.” This is a dangerous time for the faithful spouse because this is when they experience the full contempt of the cheater. Sadly, many pastors and other counselors egg the cheater to say more contemptuous things about the faithful spouse … Continue reading “Cheater labels you “the problem””
Category: Sin
Strong Medicine Needed
“Nice” does not work with someone who has doubled down on destruction. If someone is about to run off a cliff, we don’t worry about saying a “harsh” word but rather–those who care–shout to get them to stop running. That is loving. Quietly objecting is not. The one running to their own destruction needs to … Continue reading “Strong Medicine Needed”
World Blown Apart
World Blown Apart Discovering marital infidelity is a discovery that blows apart one’s world. It upends the assumptions of safety one oriented life around. No longer can you trust your most intimate partner for anything. They have harmed you in deep ways that only they could. Such a betrayal! It is disorienting. What is my … Continue reading “World Blown Apart”
Stuck Phenomenon
Stuck Phenomenon Something I’ve noticed over the years working with faithful spouses is how Cheaters often stay stuck in the same cycles. They do not mature. Cheaters want to rehash the same arguments with us over and over again. This makes sense as they are trying to solve something that can only be solved through … Continue reading “Stuck Phenomenon”
Nineveh Example Set
“The people of Nineveh will stand up against this generation on judgment day and condemn it, for they repented of their sins at the preaching of Jonah. Now someone greater than Jonah is here–but you refuse to repent.” -Matthew 12:41, NLT Does repentance seem necessary for forgiveness (and salvation) according to these words from Jesus … Continue reading “Nineveh Example Set”
No shame for you.
“I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” -Matthew 19:9, NIV I do not see a time limit set on these words. The exemption is there for anyone who has a spouse that engaged in sexually unfaithful behavior. That is what I see in … Continue reading “No shame for you.”
Not perfect. So, perfection is the standard?
“You shall not commit adultery.” -Exodus 20:14, NIV So, you’re not perfect. Guess what? No one is. Even in happy marriages, spouses are imperfect. They sin against one another. I think this is especially so in youthful marriages as we’re all maturing and trying to figure out life. Just because you are not perfect does … Continue reading “Not perfect. So, perfection is the standard?”
Probably already smeared
The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. -Proverbs 12:18, NIV Probably Already Smeared When Cheaters ask you not to say anything to others about their cheating, do not be naïve about them. They probably have already smeared your name with your mutual “friends” and family. What … Continue reading “Probably already smeared”
Nothing to do with our marriage problems?
“He has nothing to do with our marriage problems. You know that!” -Caught Cheater If your cheater is responding with some version of this, your marriage is over. The cheater is refusing to face the fact that adultery is truly a MAJOR marriage problem. You have nothing to work with here. The cheater is firmly … Continue reading “Nothing to do with our marriage problems?”
Money Not Everything!
“For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.” -I Timothy 6:10, NIV Money isn’t everything, but it is hard to live without enough of it. This was one of the most terrifying things about … Continue reading “Money Not Everything!”