“I never intended to hurt you,” says Cheater. “Whatever. That does not excuse you for horribly sinning against me,” replies Faithful Spouse. Cheaters professing golden intentions are trying to minimize what they did. It is a move to sanitize their image. They do not want to think or others to think that they are that … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “I never intended to hurt you.””
Category: Sin
Cheater-Speak: “My toxic shame”
“Talking about it just triggers my toxic shame. I can’t face what I did.” -Cheater This is a real conundrum for a faithful spouse. It is hard to heal when you do not have some of the basic facts and your spouse is refusing to help on that number citing “toxic shame.” The “toxic shame” … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “My toxic shame””
Yes, demonic.
Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. -I Peter 5:8, NKJV When I speak of the demonic and cheating, I want to be clear. I do NOT believe or support the idea of a cheater being a mere victim of the demonic. … Continue reading “Yes, demonic.”
Misplaced Concern
“I really hope he didn’t feel uncomfortable with anything,” says Cheater. “What about my comfort with how things are? Why are you more concerned about him than me, your husband?” says faithful spouse. Being a good host is one thing. Taking a particular guest’s opinion and comfort into consideration OVER your spouse’s is another thing. … Continue reading “Misplaced Concern”
Done to provoke
Just because your Cheater attends marriage counseling does NOT mean they really want to work on themselves and the marriage. They might be there to provoke you with a witness. Then they can label you crazy or angry as “justification” for their discard. Cheaters are not above using therapy or pastoral counseling to manage their … Continue reading “Done to provoke”
So focused on your alleged faults
“Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.” -Matthew 7:5, NLT Cheaters are “good” at pointing the finger at the faithful spouse. They will dredge up the tiniest things and blow them up to catastrophic proportions to … Continue reading “So focused on your alleged faults”
Cheater Overflow
21 For from within, out of a person’s heart, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, 22 adultery, greed, wickedness, deceit, lustful desires, envy, slander, pride, and foolishness. 23 All these vile things come from within; they are what defile you. -Mark 7:21-23, NLT Cheaters usually will try to point the finger at anyone other than themselves. The challenge … Continue reading “Cheater Overflow”
Hard Holidays
Holidays can be hard! I just want to acknowledge that. This time of year can be difficult for those of us who are experiencing the traumatic ending of a marriage. They are seasons that bring the loses in focus. It is okay to be sad. It is okay to NOT be okay. Your feelings are … Continue reading “Hard Holidays”
Pining after Cheater-Ex?
So the Lord blessed Job in the second half of his life even more than in the beginning. -Job 42:12a, NLT Cheaters enjoy being the center of your attention. The best revenge is one where they are irrelevant to your life. You are too busy with the new life God has given you to even think of … Continue reading “Pining after Cheater-Ex?”
Forgiveness does NOT undo trauma!
No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was. -Job 2:13b, NIV Forgiveness does NOT erase the effects of trauma! You can both forgive and still be revolted by your cheating spouse. The two are not mutually exclusive. I am annoyed with pastors and churches pushing traumatized faithful spouses … Continue reading “Forgiveness does NOT undo trauma!”