Reality validation. This is gift others can give to a faithful spouse. Sometimes we need someone to tell us the simple but hard truth. The adultery happened. And–no–we are in no way responsible for the infidelity. It was wrong. No justification for the cheater cheating exists. I think these messages are especially important for the … Continue reading “Reality Validation. A Sane Voice.”
Category: Sin
Shake the dust
“But if any place refuses to welcome you or listen to you, shake its dust from your feet as you leave to show that you have abandoned those people to their fate.” -Mark 6:11, NLT At some point, we need to let go of the need for an apology and reparations for the wrongs we … Continue reading “Shake the dust”
Do NOT date while still married, please!
Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery. -Hebrews 13:4, NLT When I was dating after my divorce, I was somewhat surprised by how many people were dating still married. For me, those people were a hard pass. … Continue reading “Do NOT date while still married, please!”
Mailbag: What do you do with this?
Dear DM, What do you do with this? I came here tonight because I am desperate. As I get closer to God I realize that doesn’t guarantee an answer about what I am supposed to do. My husband acts as if we’re fine everything is fine but it’s almost INSANE. What is your problem, “why … Continue reading “Mailbag: What do you do with this?”
Helpful Resource Exposing Poor Responses To Affairs
If we hear someone murdered, we don’t say, “it could have been me.” If we hear someone robbed a bank, we don’t hear pastors say, “it could have been me.” But when it comes to cheating on your wife? Oh, yeah, that could have been me. -Sheila Wray Gregoire, “The Terrible Takes on Philip Yancey’s … Continue reading “Helpful Resource Exposing Poor Responses To Affairs”
Guilt, not shame
Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. -2 Corinthians 7:10, NIV When trying to determine real repentance, I recommend watching for a guilt-response as opposed to a shame-response from the cheater. What do I mean by a “guilt response” versus a “shame response?” A “guilt … Continue reading “Guilt, not shame”
Warped Sense of Reality Vortex
There is more hope for fools than for people who think they are wise. –Proverbs 26:12, NLT They traded the truth about God for a lie…. –Romans 1:25a, NLT Cheaters can come across as so confident in their lies. This confidence has the power to make even the most stalwart faithful spouse second-guess their instincts, hard evidence, … Continue reading “Warped Sense of Reality Vortex”
Season for divorce?
For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. -Ecclesiastes 3:1, NLT Sometimes choosing divorce is the best of bad options left for a faithful spouse. This is why I cite this wisdom verse. It is allegedly written by the wisest of all humans–bar Jesus–King Solomon. Everything means everything. That includes … Continue reading “Season for divorce?”
On oversharing
Some people just cannot handle the souls of others well. The conversation where a faithful spouse spills their grief and pain results in a shaming exercise where the Christian listener warns the faithful spouse about bitterness and God’s hatred of divorce. I know I fell into the “oversharing trap” early in my marriage’s dissolution. Too … Continue reading “On oversharing”
Emotional Foreplay aka Emotional Affairs
But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. -Matthew 5:28, NIV We ought to treat and think of emotional affairs like emotional foreplay. Emotional affairs are leading in a certain direction. Like foreplay, the point is to culminate in full-blown sexual contact. … Continue reading “Emotional Foreplay aka Emotional Affairs”