“The affair has nothing to do with our marriage problems.” -Lying Cheater This is a very dangerous lie. Various people may say this. The cheater may say this, and sometimes, sadly, pastors or other counselors may say this. Sadly, they may even believe the lie. The lie is dangerous, because it takes the focus off … Continue reading “Downright dangerous lie”
Category: Sin
Cannot compete against fantasy
May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. -Proverbs 5:18, NIV When I was dating my first wife (the cheater), I remember thinking about this dynamic. A committed relationship was very different than one that was not. The fantasy soon wears off when real life issues start impacting … Continue reading “Cannot compete against fantasy”
No hope? Self-fulfilling cheater prophecy.
“I just do not have any hope for our marriage.” -Cheater Ironically, faithful spouses are usually the ones who are accused of giving up on the marriage. The reality is that the cheater gave up on the marriage the moment they decided to violate their marriage vows. Plus, many of us–I suspect–sat in the counseling … Continue reading “No hope? Self-fulfilling cheater prophecy.”
Wicked schemers
There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes…. -Proverbs 6:16-18a, NIV Sad to say, I suspect many cheaters have planned out their deception and their exodus from the marriage. This is especially true–I suspect–when it comes … Continue reading “Wicked schemers”
Practiced Life of Lies
Lying lips are abomination to the Lord: but they that deal truly are his delight. -Proverbs 12:22, KJV One of the main reasons I am really skeptical of marriages “surviving” infidelity is the challenge of changing a sin pattern in the cheater. This is the pattern of speaking and believing lies. I add the second part, … Continue reading “Practiced Life of Lies”
Letting go of bad relationships
If a man be found lying with a woman married to an husband, then they shall both of them die, both the man that lay with the woman, and the woman: so shalt thou put away evil from Israel. -Deuteronomy 22:22, KJV Sometimes we cling to other unhealthy relationships besides the relationship with our cheater. … Continue reading “Letting go of bad relationships”
The false “victim mentality” of cheaters
You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. -Matthew 7:5, NIV A blinding pride. This is what cheaters have. They are so caught up in entitlement that they do not see or care what damage they are doing … Continue reading “The false “victim mentality” of cheaters”
What if we made a list, too?!
And above all things have fervent love for one another, for “love will cover a multitude of sins.” -I Peter 4:8, NKJV Cheaters are “good” at putting together a list of things that they do not like about their spouse. They are doing this to “justify” their infidelity and their abandonment of the marriage. The … Continue reading “What if we made a list, too?!”
Lies and shame
For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. -Ephesians 5:8a, NIV I believe a lie is always present when it comes to shame. Either we are being lied to, or we are living a lie. God did not design us to live in the darkness doing the deeds of the darkness. … Continue reading “Lies and shame”
“It just happened,” says Cheater
“It just happened.” -Cheater This sort of explanation of an affair is a way to avoid responsibility. It is a way to ascribe the affair to causes like blizzards and tsunamis. It just happened. Natural disasters “just happen.” Sin takes an agent. If this was not so, then God would not bother telling us NOT … Continue reading ““It just happened,” says Cheater”