When you made it to a counselor or pastor’s office, did your cheater take full responsibility or point fingers at you? I bet it was the later. Some pastors are naive enough (or complicit enough) to take the bait. They follow the finger of the cheater and focus on those “issues” to the exclusion of … Continue reading “The one pointing fingers…”
Category: Theology of divorce
Why did I stay stuck so long with an adulteress?
Why was I stuck for so long? This is a good question to ask ourselves after a divorce from a cheater. Some people break free faster than others. That said, others take a long time coming to terms with their marriage’s end. I really struggled with the end of my marriage. Three things really kept … Continue reading “Why did I stay stuck so long with an adulteress?”
“Christian” techniques stuck in reality denial
“You must not scare her off. We must save the marriage.” -Well-Meaning, “Christian” pastor Reality is the cheater is already gone. The marriage is over. If a cheater is so reluctant to attend pastoral care sessions, you have a cheater who is already done with the marriage. This is not a repentant one. The marriage … Continue reading ““Christian” techniques stuck in reality denial”
The Second Betrayal for Faithful Spouse Pastors
If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other. -Galatians 5:15, NIV When you tell your denomination or church about your cheating spouse and the divorce, the hope is for support. Sadly, this hope is often dashed by evangelical leaders who are stuck in ungodly divorce prejudice. … Continue reading “The Second Betrayal for Faithful Spouse Pastors”
Applying film grading lessons to infidelity situations
After a Saturday football game, my college coaches would take the game “film” and grade how each of us–athletes–performed in that contest. One category used in their film grading system was called “critical errors.” This label was reserved for mistakes so big that the mistake caused the play to fail. For an offensive lineman, a … Continue reading “Applying film grading lessons to infidelity situations”
Choosing to divorce a cheater is NOT vengeful!
And Joseph her husband, being a righteous man and not wanting to disgrace her, planned [to divorce her] secretly. -Matthew 1:19, NASB (footnoted alternate translation used in brackets) Do we consider a rape victim “hurt and vengeful” for choosing to have her rapist prosecuted for his crime? I wouldn’t. It is a matter of justice … Continue reading “Choosing to divorce a cheater is NOT vengeful!”
Commentary on cheaters claiming to be Christians
“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven….Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’ -Matthew 7:21, 23, NIV Anyone who continues to live in him will … Continue reading “Commentary on cheaters claiming to be Christians”
David Clarke, Ph.D. Online Resource
While wondering on the internet looking for resources from David Clarke, PhD, I stumbled upon his website (click here). These past few days I have been listening to his podcast. He has some good things to say in those podcasts. Clarke is not a wimpy Christian counselor. He does not let cheaters off the hook … Continue reading “David Clarke, Ph.D. Online Resource”
Can you “blow up” what has already been blown up?
Thou shalt not commit adultery. -Exodus 20:14, KJV Can you “blow up” what has already been blown up? This is a rhetorical question. My point is that divorce after adultery is a situation following such a “blow up” of the family. The adulterous spouse blew up the family with their sins. A faithful spouse divorcing … Continue reading “Can you “blow up” what has already been blown up?”
Adultery caused the marriage rift; NOT its confession!
Don’t you realize that your bodies are actually parts of Christ? Should a man take his body, which is part of Christ, and join it to a prostitute? Never! And don’t you realize that if a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her? For the Scriptures say, “The two are … Continue reading “Adultery caused the marriage rift; NOT its confession!”