But those who won’t care for their relatives, especially those in their own household, have denied the true faith. Such people are worse than unbelievers.
-I Timothy 5:8, NLT
I remember the panic I felt when my cheater used her financial strength as a weapon against me.
She was the one with the decent job and wages keeping us afloat. I was working at a coffee shop still trying to break into my field.
Her and her supporters used this verse out of I Timothy out of context to mean I was worse than an unbeliever since my wages were not enough to support us or myself alone.
The irony I see now is how this verse more appropriately applies to someone who has the finances but chooses to withhold them from supporting their own household. In other words, it is not a gender specified wicked move.
In other words, her supporters’ twisted reading of this Scripture lead them to encourage her to actually live out the exact thing this verse warns against–namely, pulling out finances needed to keep the household afloat.
But that is typical cheater.
Cheaters are quick to shout, “MINE!” and slow to live up to the obligations they freely agreed were part of the marriage deal–like that “all what is mine is yours” part of the vows.
Still, I had it better than most.
At least, I had not been a stay-at-home mother for decades without resources to access a good job down the road. I had an education that has led me to an excellent career today. And I did not have to worry about providing for children on top of that. Such was a mercy in my situation.
Using financial strength to further brutalize faithful spouses is just one more thing cheaters do. It is sick. And it is wrong.
Sadly, it is yet another thing well-meaning (but WRONG!) Christian leaders never confront in the cheater. Instead, they blame the vulnerable and abused in the matter.
Sick but typical.
As my marriage unraveled – I was most afraid of my/my kids financial future. Kids were 18-23 at the time. Husband and I had had finally achieved financial security after 35 years together and I looked forward to paying last set of college bills. While he had earned more – we both worked to achieve financial security and any years I worked less were to benefit our kids and peaceful home life. It made me crazy to think our hard earned resources were being spent (unbeknownst to me)on the affair partner and that she would potentially get 1/2 if they stayed together. Indeed – his $ was part of what attracted this girl-woman who is 27 years younger – nearly our kids age?!?!?
When I expressed fear that my husband would take our money and not help our kids as they established themselves in life – he literally looked at me and said “it’s my money” and “I got them through college – I don’t owe them anything”
It was a slap in the face to realize he viewed everything as “me” whereas I viewed the family as “we.” So while technically he got kids to 18 and helped pay for college – he didn’t use his resources to “care” for his family. He took money and time and effort – during his children’s formative years – not to mention his wife who was by his side through the lean years – and spent it elsewhere and saw nothing wrong with that.
Your experience sounds similar to mine & I’m sure like many others.
That is what made the divorce process most difficult for me. I was fighting for the financial & emotional welfare of the children and everyone else (including my lawyer, pastor, counselor) was focusing on what X was entitled to.
The only reason I got anything for myself & the children was because I live in a state that still considers adultery & abuse a “fault”! However, that “fault” doesn’t protect the children from the parent who is at fault because parental rights trump a child’s welfare.
I wasn’t even allowed to request that X take a lie detector test because it would infringe on his rights.
This journey has rocked my faith in humanity & the church. Thanks greatly to DM’s ministry to us, I haven’t let go of my faith & hope in the Lord. God loves our children more than we do &
I can trust Him to protect & provide for them where I cannot.
Thanks, Nyra, for your kind words.
I am so sorry you are going through this, some people are egotistical and narcissistic that cannot seem to see past themselves, no matter who it is. They want the world to resolve around them, and from what you stated it had resolved around them, you were there when times were tough, and now it appears he feels the grass is greener with someone younger. We know, younger is not better, that is where we made most of our mistakes and had to painfully grow from them. Sounds like you did the right thing in sticking with your family and seeing them through. Don’t worry God would see thought through this and harvest up all your good deeds on your behalf. And for your husband just know the grass is always greener when it is full of manure. Best of blessings to you!