Author: Divorce Minister

Choose not to enter their warped reality!

There is more hope for fools     than for people who think they are wise.  –Proverbs 26:12, NLT They traded the truth about God for a lie….   –Romans 1:25a, NLT Cheaters can come across as so confident in their lies. This confidence has the power to make even the most stalwart faithful spouse second-guess their instincts, hard evidence, … Continue reading “Choose not to enter their warped reality!”

Invest in relationships that “feed” you!

Our days on earth are like grass; like wildflowers, we bloom and die. -Psalm 103:15, NLT I work in a field where I encounter death on a fairly regular basis. Such is the environment of a chaplain in a medical field. These encounters bring clarity that is often lost on a society, which tries to … Continue reading “Invest in relationships that “feed” you!”

Sometimes the season dictates divorce.

For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. -Ecclesiastes 3:1, NLT Sometimes choosing divorce is the best of bad options left for a faithful spouse. This is why I cite this wisdom verse. It is allegedly written by the wisest of all humans–bar Jesus–King Solomon. Everything means everything. That includes … Continue reading “Sometimes the season dictates divorce.”

Beware of oversharing

Some people just cannot handle the souls of others well. The conversation where a faithful spouse spills their grief and pain results in a shaming exercise where the Christian listener warns the faithful spouse about bitterness and God’s hatred of divorce. I know I fell into the “oversharing trap” early in my marriage’s dissolution. Too … Continue reading “Beware of oversharing”

Word of Caution: You’re vulnerable!

Beware that the ending of your marriage leaves you vulnerable! I am not suggesting living in fear. However, I recommend a sober-eyed assessment about how your needs leave you open to unhealthy relationships. In separation and early divorce, you are grieving and learning how to deal with loneliness and loss of intimacy with the opposite … Continue reading “Word of Caution: You’re vulnerable!”

“Dating” while married fosters entitlement

Growing up in evangelical church circles, I heard the common teaching about couples “date nights” as if forever “dating” your spouse should be the norm. I think this teaching is both unwise and unhealthy. Don’t get me wrong: I believe investing in couples time is important. However, calling it “dating” is unwise. As I mentioned … Continue reading ““Dating” while married fosters entitlement”

Entertaining another mate option IS cheating!

When a spouse is entertaining another relationship as a “potential” affair partner, they already have crossed over the line into emotional affair territory. The decision to “forsake all others” was already made publicly in a wedding ceremony. This decision is being betrayed when a spouse starts revisiting that decision in considering other mate options. They … Continue reading “Entertaining another mate option IS cheating!”

PSA: It is not abuse to insist the cheater end the affair.

Public Service Announcement (PSA): It is not abuse to insist the cheater end the affair! Someone needs to see this. Cheaters will pull out all stops to make the faithful spouse look like the bad person. Insisting the affair end is a healthy boundary. It is respectful. You are simply refusing to accept ongoing abuse … Continue reading “PSA: It is not abuse to insist the cheater end the affair.”

What excuse gives a spouse a pass to abuse? None.

I am convinced adultery is always abusive. Always. You cannot cheat on a spouse without abusing their trust minimally. Plus, I have yet to discover a story involving adultery where a period of deception did not take place–however, brief. In addition to that, I believe based on my reading of Scripture that adultery is soul … Continue reading “What excuse gives a spouse a pass to abuse? None.”