Author: Divorce Minister

False Grace: Tullian Tchividjian starts new church

Tullian Tchividjian, grandson of Rev. Billy Graham, is back in the news today. Apparently, he is starting a new church. This is the same person who was caught cheating on his wife with a congregant and being removed from a prominent Presbyterian church over this moral failure (see here). He found another job with a … Continue reading “False Grace: Tullian Tchividjian starts new church”

God’s ways and thoughts are higher than ours!

8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. 9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts. -Isaiah 55:8-9, KJV If your god is so small that you fully understand him and his ways, … Continue reading “God’s ways and thoughts are higher than ours!”

Faithful spouses, God cries with you, too!

“God Weeps Too” by Eli–an obscure Christian artist from the 90s–is one of my favorite songs.  While he does not name situations of infidelity survival, I love how he names God as one who weeps alongside the broken-hearted. This understanding of God coming alongside like a good parent or friend was important for me to … Continue reading “Faithful spouses, God cries with you, too!”

Even God’s forgiveness requires a response from the forgiven!

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. -Colossians 3:13, NIV “If you forgive anyone’s sins, they are forgiven. If you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven.” -John 20:23, NLT If we confess our sins, he is faithful … Continue reading “Even God’s forgiveness requires a response from the forgiven!”

Beware of power struggles!

 But Jesus called them together and said, “You know that the rulers in this world lord it over their people, and officials flaunt their authority over those under them.” -Matthew 20:25, NLT “You will just keep that [her cheating] over her head forever [if she stayed married to you].” -Cheater apologist Some people view all relationships … Continue reading “Beware of power struggles!”

Like a rebelling teenager or toddler!

Did you ever feel like the big, bad parent with your cheater? I think sometimes some engage in cheating behavior as a way to try and resolve family issues (non-therapist speaking here). They did not feel safe to do that with their mother or father. So, the faithful spouse gets all their rebellion in its … Continue reading “Like a rebelling teenager or toddler!”

Learning to trust yourself, again.

How could I have missed that?! I do not know if you can relate to asking this question of yourself. However, I think the fractured relationship with oneself is a relationship almost always needing attention. Part of the devastation of discovering a cheating spouse is discovering the deception was ongoing for a long period of time, … Continue reading “Learning to trust yourself, again.”

Does not end well…

21 Under three things the earth quakes,And under four, it cannot bear up:…23 Under an unloved woman when she gets a husband,And a maidservant when she supplants her mistress. -Proverbs 30:21, 23, NASB (emphasis mine) I can still picture the moment… We had just moved into our first home we bought together. It was in our bedroom. … Continue reading “Does not end well…”

Divorcing a personality disordered cheater

What do you do if your cheater is narcissist and committed making the divorce full of drama? I think it goes back to remembering what you control: YOU. This means you can choose whether to take their disordered bait or to let the circus go on without you. The best response sometimes is no response … Continue reading “Divorcing a personality disordered cheater”