Dear DM, I need your advice. My wife has committed adultery several times in our marriage and I reconciled over and over again. Two of my ex wife’s lovers were my sons friend fathers and two more were my sons wrestling coach’s. After he discovered his second wrestling coach, he cut off contact with his … Continue reading “Dear DM, I need your advice.”
Feeding Into False Hope for Marriage Restoration
Sharing only testimonies of reconciled and restored marriages following adultery… feeds false hope in “reconciliation” for faithful spouses dealing with unrepentant cheaters. Show of hands. How many here thought their marriage was going to “make it” and then you would have a testimony about marriage reconciliation to share with others? I know I did. The … Continue reading “Feeding Into False Hope for Marriage Restoration”
You can forgive a cheater without the cheater being forgiven.
Christ suffered for our sins once for all time. He never sinned, but he died for sinners to bring you safely home to God. -I Peter 3:18a, NLT You can forgive a cheater without the cheater being forgiven. This is a paradoxical truth about forgiveness. Both are true. You have truly forgiven your cheater. However, … Continue reading “You can forgive a cheater without the cheater being forgiven.”
A Spiritual Battle Song
Sometimes, we have to speak forth truth before we feel it in our hearts. Healing from infidelity is a spiritual battle. Your spiritual enemy wants to cut you off from God’s unconditional love. He wants you to believe God thinks less of you for this experience. Don’t believe the Enemy’s lies! Remind your soul of … Continue reading “A Spiritual Battle Song”
Gratitude Question: See Poo or Love?
Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. -I Thessalonians 5:18, NLT My wife and I have adopted two rescue parrots. They are both Green Cheek Conures. I did not grow up with birds. Mrs. DM did. In fact, she told me parrots are her preferred … Continue reading “Gratitude Question: See Poo or Love?”
Encountering any foolish “friends?”
Fools have no interest in understanding; they only want to air their own opinions. -Proverbs 18:2, NLT In my season of suffering, I found some people simply do not want to hear my pain. They didn’t want to understand. These people were set in their beliefs about divorce. They were happy to share their judgment … Continue reading “Encountering any foolish “friends?””
Contempt signals, “It’s over!”
When a wicked man comes, contempt also comes,And with dishonor comes scorn. -Proverbs 18:3, NASB When a cheater shows contempt for you, it is time to leave the relationship. I am talking more than simply the act of cheating–which is truly an act of contempt. Rather, I am talking about interactions with the cheater where they express … Continue reading “Contempt signals, “It’s over!””
Lectured by a cheater
The man said, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.” -Genesis 3:12, NIV Ever notice how quick the cheater is to talk about what “you owe” them?! The last thing they want to do is face the mirror and see their own shortcomings. In … Continue reading “Lectured by a cheater”
“Damaged Goods” Shaming
“I hope you are finding healing…” -Authority figure (responding to faithful spouse’s vulnerable sharing) It happened again for me today. However, I think I am getting better at spotting it faster: THE HOOK– For me, it is the unwanted identity of being “damaged goods” as particularly coming from an authority figure of some sort in … Continue reading ““Damaged Goods” Shaming”
Cheater-Speak: “I protected YOUR reputation with our friends.”
“I protected YOUR reputation with our friends,” says Cheater. The assumption here is the faithful spouse will lie for the cheater in order to make them look good to their mutual friends. I say lie because telling these friends a different reason than the infidelity being behind the divorce (or severe marriage struggles) is a … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “I protected YOUR reputation with our friends.””