“My ex-wife blew up our marriage by cheating, and then I had to go through an ecclesiastical trial with my denomination to keep my license,” says faithful spouse.
“Don’t they realize stuff happens,” says well-meaning friend.
The “stuff happens” response to cheating is irksome to me.
When a faithful spouse discloses that they were cheated on, they are disclosing that they were abused. Someone–their cheater–made sinful choices to harm them. This was not like an unavoidable weather event.
Someone is responsible for CHOOSING to harm another!
This is why the “stuff happens” is so irksome to me. It absolves the cheater of responsibility and pretends like abuse was inevitable, which is false.
No, stuff does NOT just happen.
Someone has to make it happen. It comes about through the cheater undermining the reality of their partner and taking away their ability to have informed consent about their relationship.
Now, this will make some people uncomfortable. However, their comfort is not your problem. The truth is ugly and uncomfortable. It is not polite.
