From his temple he heard my voice;     my cry came before him, into his ears. The earth trembled and quaked,     and the foundations of the mountains shook;     they trembled because he was angry.

-Psalm 18:6b-7, NIV

Can I trust God with my hurt?

I think the answer to this question answering the question of whether or not I can forgive someone who has wronged me. Left to my own devices, forgiveness is not on the table.

To forgive a cheater, we need power outside of ourselves.

I need to believe God cares more about the abuse done to me than I do. When I know that–i.e. when I know God really does love me–I am able to give my hurt and its claim on the perpetrator over to Him.

It is a test of faith.

When I give the wrongs and the hurt from those wrongs to Jesus, I am saying that I trust Him completely. I am putting feet to my belief by choosing to let go of my claims to revenge giving them to my good (and just) Savior.

Does this mean my cheater is forgiven?

I do not believe a cheater can be forgiven without acknowledgement of their wrongs. You cannot benefit from a gift of a debt-canceling check if you refused to pick it up at the offering “bank.”

This I draw from how salvation works in regards to Jesus and the world:

Jesus died for everyone. His gift of forgiveness for our sins is available to all. However, not everyone will receive that gift of salvation as that requires recognizing one needs it first.

I digress…

My encouragement to every faithful spouse is to first take stock of the losses. Grieve them. Forgiveness comes later. And like grief, forgiveness is a process. It will take making the choice to trust Jesus with your hurts repeatedly over time before you find yourself freed from the anger and pain those wrongs caused.

Such choices are acts of faith.

You are choosing to trust Jesus with something deep and dear–your heart with its hurts. In my experience, these choices are ones worth making.   ______ *A version of this post ran previously.