We would have celebrated our twelfth wedding anniversary today…
Whatever people say about healing and “moving on,” I am a firm believer a piece of you is forever lost. You never “get over” losing a precious piece of your soul.
I am SOOO thankful for Mrs. DM and Munchkin!
And…
I feel the pain of loosing part of me–the piece ripped off from a marriage ending via soul rape and the divorce discard.
-Without that loss, this blog wouldn’t exist.
-Without that loss, I never–obviously–would have met Mrs. DM, and I never would have attracted her enough for her to marry me–so she tells me 😉
-Without that loss, I would have never known the joy of being a father to my amazing and spunky daughter, Munchkin.
It is not all loss.
But it is not less than.
And it is okay to acknowledge that truth…yes, even years later.
Agree, this year would have been my 10th so it hit me harder then previously. But Romans 8:18.
I’ve been away awhile, congratulations on the forthcoming book.
Thanks, Monica! I’ve hired a professional editor; so, it is getting real.
After more than 43 years of marriage my divorce finally went through last fall. I do not think I would have remembered my anniversary (coming up this week) if I hadn’t read this. I have a wonderful new life that God has blessed me with. While I think that you have said many important things on the blog that should be part of the church changing to reflect the truth of the Bible, I am not sure the blog is healthy for you. There comes a time where you understand,accept and go forward in a new life. If one keeps ripping open the wound,even with the idea of helping others by describing one’s experience,it allows the abuser to remain part of one’s life. Thank you for your thoughts on the sin of adultery vs divorce,it was very helpful.
While you profess concern for me, it sounds to me more like you are running from your own grief. You wrote, “I do not think I would have remembered my anniversary (coming up this week) if I hadn’t read this.” Just an observation.
To be clear, the blog is not what is “ripping open” my wounds. I would have remembered today whether or not I wrote this post. That is the thing about grief and anniversaries.
I write these posts because people have poor models of grief. They have been taught–as your comment suggests–that you just “accept and go forward in a new life.” That is not how grief works. It jumps out and ambushes even decades later.
Plus, we all experience grief in our own unique ways. People need to see that it is okay to feel sad even years after a traumatic divorce. I am not ashamed of my grief; and I hope by sharing my heart in today’s post others see that they need not be ashamed of their grief either.
“That is not how grief works. It jumps out and ambushes even decades later.”
The Gold Medal goes to you. Understatement of the year or even the decade!
I will tell you that ambush even hits harder the older I get. I don’t know if it’s the wisdom or the 20/20 rear view vision you get with age… but dang it bites.
I would have had my 34th anniversary July 7th. It does sting, I was ambushed more by the disclosures of years of unfaithfulness by the man I gave my heart to, created a family with and loved for more than ½ my life. I don’t want him back and God has given me the peace and comfort that ONLY HE can give. Nobody really understands what we suffer and I feel it will last my lifetime, I did’t just turn a page and move on. Grief is real and it takes time and it hurts. Personally I won’t let anyone disrespect my decision, shame me or blame me for any of what happened. Keeping my eyes on HIM helps me move forward … not move on!
Blessings on this ministry DM it is much needed, sadly we aren’t supported in our places of worship.